crysthewolf

A Disclaimer:

I have Christian friends now. They are open-minded, loving, caring people and I adore them. Their beliefs serve them and I RESPECT THAT. I want to warn those people, however, that I do not follow Christian doctrines and I don't necessarily respect Christian beliefs. I respect people, but not edicts and doctrines. If you find those edicts and doctrines to be personal issues, I'd suggest not reading under the cut.

There are those who, upon reading this, will say that I turned away from Christianity because people were assholes to me. This is partially true. Them being assholes made it easier, and I DID turn away from Christianity because of people. I turned away from Christianity because of people, inasmuch as I came TO Christianity because of people, and my entire Christian walk was ABOUT people. Everyone's is, whether they like to admit it or not. Religion is a part of culture, and culture is people. Religion is communal. Christianity is communal.

As to my personal relationship with Jesus? The one-on-one private faith stuff? Jesus (or, rather, Yeshua) was a person. Other people said he was the son of God. He might have too, I don't know. I never met the guy. I know about him because of a compilation of books put together by people, a long time ago, with a lot of political agendas, that are used nowadays by people, some of whom are devout, loving people, and some of whom have a lot of political agendas. Do I pray? I suppose you could call it that. Once in a while, I talk to no one. I imagine that someone is listening. I don't have a lot of confidence that, if they do exist, they have any control over the events of mine or anyone else's lives, but I think it's possible for me to influence those events in ways that aren't physical. I used to call that someone "God", and now I call it/him/her/them a lot of different things. Mostly I just do it because it makes me feel less alone. In that sense, I don't think it really matters much whether someone is listening or not. It makes me feel better.

That's how I feel about religion. If that offends you, then you REALLY shouldn't read the rest.

( And now, the rest of the story... )

Frighteningly enough, that's not the whole story. There are a lot of details that I left out and a lot of sub-plots. But, in essence, that is how I became not a Christian.

Thanks for reading. I welcome responses as always (or most ways), but any attemps at re-conversion will be deleted and be warned that I may not engage in much conversation on this issue. It's not because your opinion isn't TOTALLY valid, but because this is still a somewhat sensitive issue for me, and I may or may not be interested in entertaining opinions on it. Because, in the end, it's MY faith, MY beliefs, and MY, if it exists, soul.

Love,
Crystal

Please Stop Worrying About My Vagina

Someone said vagina! Where's

the_dark_snack???

*grin*

Yep... having READ the "Left Behind" books and having listened to the campaign ads, I've been wondering when this stuff would start.

Is Obama the Anti-Christ?

So I can't really say that I'm SURPRISED, but I can say that I'm ashamed. Because I probably have personally known people in my life who will buy into this.

And why shouldn't they? They bought into the Left Behind books, all of the rhetoric about Wiccans being Satan worshippers and Occultists being possessed by demons, and will follow charismatic preachers who are willing and able to twist the Bible into whatever picture fits their personal beliefs and fears.

And don't start acting self-righteous if you disagree with this nonsense, because even if you aren't a Jenkins/Lahaye follower, you can STILL find Bible verses that support the idea of Obama being the anti-Christ.

'Course, you can also find Bible verses that support the idea of Kennedy, Martin Luther King, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and a variety of other charismatic world figures being the anti-Christ.

And don't even get me started on the current president of France, whose name alone could qualify him for "evil villain" status by Revelation standards.

Yeees it's started. The "end of the world" craze that has surrounded every major political happening since The Holy Bible was canonized.

Behold, ladies and gentlemen... the beauty of superstition.

Love,
Crystal

PS-thanks to

beldarfor the article link. You always find the most interesting internettings. ;)

Dunno why, but I went out blog stalking a few old friends that I don't really talk to much anymore. That's the nice thing about blogs... even if you don't have anything directly to say, you can still check in on people (I have a hunch that they check in on me from time to time too.) So I checked in on a few old friends that aren't "old friends" because they were assholes. You ever have someone that you love deeply, and suddenly one day realize that you have absolutely nothing in common and you're basically polar opposites? I hate that, because someone always feels like they did something wrong or like there's something wrong WITH them, when the only reason you don't call is that you don't really have anything to talk about (or you know that you're too sensitive to talk about most of the things you used to. =P )

And hell, sometimes I'm the one that feels like I did something wrong or that there's something wrong with me.

Anyway, it did seem that an old friend of mine that I still very much care about is doing fairly well, or at least (emotionally) seems to be feeling better than they seemed to be the last time I checked in, which is good. Maybe keeping my mouth shut was the thing to do... as opposed to sticking my foot into it with self-righteous advice. ;)

At any rate. It was good to see. Cheers.

Love,
Crystal

It struck me this evening just how obnoxious they both can be. Why do they bother reading each other? I suppose it's an attempt to be more open-minded or consider other people's points of view, but they so often fail miserably by, upon reading one another's views, going right back to their own and declaring how rude, mean, petty, incorrect and close-minded the other is.

Neither stop to think about why the other feels the way they do. Neither stop to think about the experiences, or lack thereof, that lead the other to their conclusions. Both stubbornly validate their own views and invalidate others without taking their shared humanity into consideration.

It just, gets old. And yeah, I've been on both sides (if you substitute "agnostic" for "atheist". And yeah, some people do things that piss me off because of their beliefs (I have to admit I've rarely had anyone piss me off with actions due to their lack of beliefs, aside from disrespecting other people because they believe in things.)

It just, gets obnoxious to see, read, or hear people do nothing more than air out their grievances over the fact that someone disagrees with them, when half the time they're behaving in the same goddamned way (but bitching about the way each other behave.) There are plenty of people willing to intentionally and knowingly say and do offensive things to you. Don't jump up out of your seat every time someone has something disagreeable to say about your beliefs and philosophies.

Give me a break. So not everybody in the world agrees with you and thinks that your point of view, mentor, or guru are fantastic. Cope. Welcome to the kaleidoscope that is humanity.

Live with it or buy an island.

Love,
Crystal

I read all of my comments and read all of my friends page but I don't always do followup very well. So if you ever respond to something I write and I don't respond to your comment, don't think anything of it. I've probably gotten distracted by something shiny and then lost track of it. I DO have it stored somewhere in my psyche. :) And if you ever post something and I don't comment on it, don't assume I haven't read it. I probably have and either didn't think anything I had to say would make any difference or sense, or just haven't had time to think up something constructive or useful.

Das all. As long as I've been blogging, I tend to be an emotional idiot when it comes to netiquette sometimes. ;) But you never know when I might be blog-stalking you. *evil laugh*

Love,
Crystal

What?? That's what it looks like. ;) Yaaay black hair! Don't ask me why I do this in the middle of the summer. =P

It's Drama Free Thursday, right? I think this fits, but I just had it in my head. ;)

So I was thinking today about my life, and the people in it, and the shit they've pulled, and the shit I've pulled, and I realized something.

People pull shit, and they're assholes. And sometimes, I pull shit and I'm an asshole. And I can sit around and they can sit around and we can blame each other and be pissed off until the end of the day, but then when that time comes, they've pulled shit, and I've pulled shit, and no one really knows who's fault it is or who started it (most likely the answer is "nobody" and "nobody".) I can feel like it's their fault and they say it's my fault and I say I've done several things wrong and, well, sometimes they apologize and sometimes they don't. Sometimes when I apologize my apology isn't enough for them. Sometimes when they apologize I don't believe them.

But I realize that I've spent a lot of time angry at them and, I'm kinda done with it.

Not completely done, I'm sure. I mean, I'm sure someone will say something that pisses me off at some point and there are DEFINITELY times when I still hurt over having been rejected because of, when you boil it down, who I am. They might not know that. They might hope that I can change so that they don't have to be bothered by the more abrasive parts of my personality. And I might hope that they'll one day accept me for who I am.

Do I accept them for who they are? Or do I think that they're assholes because they find my personality abrasive?

I suppose that part of the problem is that I DON'T find my personality abrasive. I'm just, who I am. I don't understand why it rubs some folks the wrong way but it does. But the bottom line is, it's not going to change anytime soon, and if it does, it won't be so that people will accept me.

And they're who they are. Do I accept being treated and talked to in a way that hurts me because of who they are? Do they accept that I do things that bother them or that they don't agree with because of who I am? Do I accept that they talk down to me because they think that their failings aren't as bad as mine? Do they ever understand that I never meant to hurt them, and most of the time, didn't even know that I was doing it? And do I accept that they didn't mean to hurt me, and that sometimes even when they knew they were doing it, they weren't really sure how to STOP?

The only answer, for me, at this point, is to just, stop being angry.

I think that 99% of arguments are due to misunderstandings. And lots of people disagree with me on that. ;) But, I think I'm kinda over it. Y'know?

I don't like everybody. I don't like the way that everybody treats me. And at some point, maybe I'll get back to the place where I don't try to figure out what they think of me and get hurt by that, but I don't like the way that everybody thinks of me, either.

I do know that I can't stand being lied to. I can't stand people saying one thing to my face and another behind my back, and refusing to ever come to me with it until it's blown completely out of proportion. It makes me wonder, anytime I'm with them and they're being nice to me, if they really mean it. It's kindof obsessive compulsive, but it's how I am. and, y'know? The funny thing is, I don't think it really makes either of us wrong. Sometimes, people have trouble being honest with each other. Hell, I've done it.

I think it means that we either have to learn to compromise, or we can't be friends. *shrug*

And I know that I've done things wrong and done things scared and done things stupid. I know that I'm who I am and that the biggest problem that I have with people is that I sometimes have trouble accepting that. At the end of the day, the things that make me the most angry, tend to stare back at me in the mirror.

So, I stopped.

I stopped being angry. I don't really know when, and I don't know that it was my choice, it sorta happened slowly and I needed to be angry for a little while beforehand. Not everyone understands that, but it's the way things are.

And I don't know that I feel so much better, as, sortof, *shrug* calmer. And able, maybe, to remember the good times, and go on with life.

And, y'know, not wanna punch anybody.

Love,
Crystal

So it's ten 'till six and I haven't heard anything from Kelly Services except that they got my resume to the company in question late yesterday afternoon, and that was when I called this morning. I know it's silly to feel disheartened by that, and that I'll probably hear SOMETHING tomorrow (I'll give my recruiter until 4pm to call me), but I was hoping to hear something today. It's been a week and a half, which isn't THAT long, granted, but I'm broke and the thought of $15 an hour was REALLY encouraging (I've never made that much before.) Images of nicer apartments were dancing in my head. ;) I know it'll only be a temp position even if I DO get it, but still... the chance to be able to actually build a savings and pay the full amount on all of my bills and knock out some of my delinquent debts... it's just a hope that feels REALLY nice. I just hope it's not another carrot being dangled in front of my face. I'm getting really sick of those. =P

I've been poor all of my life (well, by American standards.) I feel like I've owed money to people since I was 12 (wait, I have.) It'd just, be nice to at least have my head above financial water.

And no, please don't offer financial advice. Trust me, I know how to handle my finances, NOW. The problem is that I didn't know it when I was 18 and I'm still paying for that. Well, hell, I didn't know it when I was 12 and I'm still paying for it. =P I've been scraping my way up from the bottom and I feel like I've hit about midway out of "the money hole". I don't even have THAT much debt, it's just that some of it is delinquent debt. And there are a lot of things that I want to do to better my life but I'm going to have to wait until I have the money to take care of several problems FIRST.

In the meantime, I'm tired, and yes, disheartened that I haven't heard anything from Kelly today. Guess I had my hopes up pretty high. =/ I'm sure I'll hear something soon.

Still hopeful,
Crystal

I just wanted to say that. I've been complaining a lot lately about job hunting and getting too much advice, but I wanted to clarify that my point is just that job hunting is difficult, disheartening, and tedious, and it's easy to take that out on the people who are trying to help. That help, though, is invaluable.

Anywho... just wanted to share that. :)

Love,
Crystal

Have you ever noticed that when you're out of work, EVERYONE has advice, job opportunities, and... more advice? I hadn't realized just how much I'd been part of that horde with my unemployed friends, or how obnoxious it can be, until now. ;)

It's funny, I don't necessarily want people to stop giving me advice, but I don't think that people realize just how overwhelming ALL of the input can be. Probably the most obnoxious pieces of advice are the ones with the undertone that "If you were really trying, you'd have a job by now." I don't think that people realize, even if they've been there, just how debasing losing your job can be. You're already sitting here telling yourself "It's my fault I'm out of work. I'm a loser." And when your friends encourage you to push harder, try harder, call more, send more, apply more... it tends to, instead of encouraging you, make you feel like you're not good enough and you're never going to find a job.

I don't really want people to not continue sending me all the links in their pockets and all the job opportunities they know of. That's how you find a job, and I've been investigating pretty much all of them (although some of them I look over and go "Nah" because you have to pare that stuff down SOMEHOW so that you can focus on the stuff that actually DOES look good. And if the stuff that looks good doesn't come through, you always have that "nah" list in your back pocket.) I just hope that everyone understands that I might not fall all over myself and get uber excited about the opportunity that they send me (or EVERY opportunity that they send me) and pounce on every single piece of advice they have, because I'm getting about as much advice as my potential employers are getting resumes. You gotta fish through it somehow.

I take solace, though, in remembering that my friends don't think that I'm a loser (or if they do, they're actually rather piss-poor friends and maybe THEY should re-think what they're doing in my circle, but it's still not my concern) and that I WILL eventually get a job, and I'll turn around and thank them for all of their help. :)

Don't second guess yourself, you're all fantastic. I think that all of us just need to keep in mind when one of us is out of work, to try not to pounce on them or nag them, but not to be afraid to toss ideas their way, either (as long as we can handle our ideas being rejected.)

Love,
Crystal

So, despite being out of work still, I think that my little depression is starting to drift away. I feel good, and mobo's food entry reminded me of strawberries so I might go and get some in a bit. ;) I've got an appointment at Kelly Services later today, and that might pan out something. Or Nick over at Aerotek might get me something. Or one of my billion and a half resumes might yield something (oo, need to make some callbacks today), or I might end up back in the Clerk's Office, which'd be alright, or the Justice Agency might finally pan out.

But rent is taken care of, which means that I won't lose my home, which is a GOOD THING. Sometimes it's the small victories. ;)

I'm glad to have the visit to the old office out of the way though. It really was the last place in the world I wanted to be yesterday. Luckily, it lasted all of a few minutes. Apparently either my old boss or his office-mate or both have hired a tiny little blonde girl who looks like she MIGHT be legal working age, but I'm not certain. Well, I suppose everybody needs a little eye-candy now and again.

I think the big thing tho, is that everything else in my life is really kinda wonderful. I don't know how to explain that, really. It just, is. I mean, despite a couple of "OMG I don't have a job what am I gonna do?!?!" breakdowns this weekend, I'm in a euphoric romantic relationship, my hobbit hole of a home is happy and welcoming (and a little bit messy, but I'll fix that today), I have a really fantastic and supportive group of friends, it's pretty outside... I mean, I dunno, I just, feel good about life. :)

Oh, and I dyed my hair black. Dunno, thought a change'd be interesting. =)

But otherwise, my world is a little bit boring. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll spunk right up when I get into a new job and have to do all the training shit (AAAAAH I HATE TRAINING!)

Love,
Crystal

I'm doing a bit better today. I got up and made several phone calls. I am officially in contact with four temp agencies, have sent them my resume and followed up on each with a phone call. I have numbers and names and email addresses for recruiters.

After I did all of that, I started to do some job searching... and then out of nowhere all of my energy completely drained. I don't know if everything suddenly slammed into me or what, but I couldn't do anything but go to bed. So I did that for a couple of hours.

I woke up when Chris came over and we went and grabbed lunch and then I came back home and finished up some testing that Aerotek had sent me. My recruiter there called me and said that he's got a couple of positions that he's going to try to get me in for, so I will give him a call back on that on Monday. *crosses fingers*

So I feel like I've accomplished a bit this week. I also kinda feel like the engine of a train that's been chugging along and picking up more and more cars and then all of the sudden gets stopped by something on the tracks and all of the cars bump up together and topple onto it like in a cartoon. Yesterday sometime I just suddenly got slammed with all the crap I've gone through over the past couple of years. =P I really HATE it when that happens, but I also think it's my own fault. I really never stopped to deal with all of it. I tried to do it while I was doing everything else. Hell, when I was at the Clerk's Office, I was able to ignore most of it for my job. So, now it's all catching up. It feels like things had been starting to really look up, but it's also difficult not to just be waiting for the other shoe to drop. And granted, a shoe dropped, I think, with this whole job loss thing... but I think that that's not quite a catastrophe yet, and I'm worried and waiting for it to be because of all of the OTHER times I've gotten hit with complete catastrophes.

I don't know why it happens, but it does... sometimes, in my life, everything just... falls apart. I think that's part of why I stopped believing in an omnipotent God. Because if there's someone up there, and he's got a plan, and all of the shit that's fallen on my head is a part of it? And if the fact that I seem to CONTINUOUSLY slam into walls is part of it? Then the guy is a rat bastard. And yes, I've been told a million times about "consequences of my own actions", but I find that to be bullshit too. Yes, there are definitely times when shit hits the fan in my world that I have a lot of responsibility for it. There are ALSO a TON of times when it happens that I was busting my ass and still ended up at the bottom of the barrel.

And there are an awful lot of times I see other people fuck around and act like jackasses and everything works out just fine for them. So I don't know that I really buy completely into the idea that you get out of the universe what you put into it. I think a hell of a lot of it is just chance, and we do the best we can and try not to beat ourselves up too badly when it goes wrong, 'cause there's too much shit that we don't control (even when we DO manage to bullshit ourselves into thinking that if we just try hard enough, we can make everything work.)

But if there's someone pulling strings and poking stuff and the bastard sees all the people in the world who just need a fucking break and IGNORES them for the assholes who DO get life handed to them on a silver platter? THAT guy can kiss my ass.

So I don't believe in him, because I just don't buy it. Yes, sometimes things work out in such a way that it seems like providence. I can't explain that, and maybe there IS someone out there who has some pull and is able to nudge things this way or that. But I don't think whoever or whatever it is is in charge of EVERYTHING. Or CONSCIOUS of everything. Maybe it's just a big sleeping elephant and once in a while when you pet it just right it wakes up and does something nice for you, and then goes back to sleep and lets the world go to hell.

Who knows.

Love,
Crystal

I'm not going to worry about work. I know, maybe I SHOULD, but I feel like I need a break from it.... not from job-searching, but from WORRYING. Y'know? I already called the CCB this morning to make sure my application got to my old boss and then left a message for the hiring manager in the Clerk's Office to let her know I'd put in my application. Now it's the waiting game on that, and the ball's in her court.

So, today I'm cleaning my apartment, doing little things that need to get done around here, at some point going for a walk, writing in my journal, listening to NPR, at some point I'll upload my resume to a site that Chris sent me last night.... but mostly I'm going to try to focus on some other things.

I set up a little altar yesterday. I don't really do much serious ritual work or anything, and I don't feel like it's something I "have to have" 'cause I call myself Pagan... I just, wanted a focal point for thoughts about faith and beleif and things that inspire me. It's got a small fountain that I found on sale for very cheap that has a moon-shape (unfortunately the electrical cord coming from the back of it doesn't exactly add to it's "mystical" sense, but it's still pretty), mine and Chris's Green Man incense burner, a lavender candle, several stones, my little Laughing Buddha statue, and my Venus of Willendorf necklace. I like the Venus of Willendorf. No one's even sure that she was ever any sort of religious figer at all, it's just guesses, but I think that's one of the things I like about her.... nobody really knows what she's for, so she means something different to everyone who looks at her. To me, she glorifies the female body, and reminds me that the modern vision of "beauty" isn't all there's ever been. She lays next to Laughing Buddha (aka Fat and Happy Buddha) because I figure they'd get along. ;) And every once in a while, I rub Buddha's belly for luck.

'Cause, why not? It kinda makes you giggle. ;) And he looks so damned happy! I love Fat and Happy Buddha.

So yeah, today, my casa is a no worries zone. And I'll probably be around all day, so anybody who feels like they need to visit a No Worries Zone is welcome to drop by. =) I'll even let you rub Buddha's belly. ;)

Love,
Crystal

So it's pretty rough and I have a cold and there are parts that make even ME wince, but I wrote a song (first time in a while). Figured I'd share. =)

'Cause, y'know, if I'm going to go through the pain of writing it, you get to go through the pain of hearing it. Granted, I don't have great recording equipment.... the little adapter thingy I usually plug into the pickup to my guitar is missing, and, um, I need a new guitar... and at one point I thought "this needs a tamborine" but I didn't have one so... I improvised, with a belly-dance hip-scarf.

So the rhythm's a little off, but YOU try playing a hip-scarf. =P

Now let's see if this uploadey thingey works...

Love Once Was, by Crystal Nycole

(there. Now it's cori's turn. ;) )

Yes, racism is completely, utterly, ignorantly stupid.

This guy, however, didn't do anything racist. When you get paranoid about a thing, it HURTS your cause, it doesn't HELP it.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080714/ap_on_re_us/kkk_book_apology

Love,
Crystal

Or it may be a CSA (Crystal Service Announcement), 'cause I'm really the one who's affected most by this.

So my PSA is this. There are some people, who's personalities are just predisposed to completely ignore nagging. There's something about us that makes it so that the level of motivation we have to do a thing sinks in direct proportion to the level of pestering we get from other people. I don't know WHY this happens, I simply know that it DOES.

In case you haven't gathered, I'm one of those people. And if you haven't noticed, I actually have this funny habit of making GOOD decisions for my own life. When left to my own devices, I DON'T tend to sit on my ass and do nothing, I DO take responsibility for myself and my life. I would like to go somewhere. That road moves one step at a time. So, even if you don't visibly SEE everything I do, even if I don't TALK to you about it, I'm still moving forward. Always.

So, no matter what you might think, you don't need to keep after me about things.

But it's more than that. When you DO keep after me about things, I stop wanting to do them.

It's something that I'm working on, but in the meantime, I have a lot of REALLY wonderful friends who REALLY want me to succeed and are REALLY trying to help. And a lot of them are trying to keep me motivated by keeping after me to get things done that they think I need to get done, and that's GREAT.

Now, please stop.

I don't mean to be a jerk, you're all very wonderful and I appreciate your concern. I REALLY do! I'm not just saying that! It's NICE to be cared about, and I haven't felt that in a long time. But, please, send me an exercise video, forward me a job opportunity, post recipes from your diet, and every GREAT once in a while, ask me what I've done to accomplish my goals. Because yes, every once in a while, I need a reminder.

But please, if you really REALLY wanna help, don't pester me. I'm not saying that because I'm sick of hearing it... I'm actually NOT sick of hearing it. It's NOT annoying. It's very SWEET and I thank you ALL. BUT, unfortunately, it's also anti-motivating, and right now I need as much motivation as I can possibly get. So, I know it's a little counterintuitive, but please don't keep bugging me about things you think I should do. Once is enough, and once in a while is fine, but if you do it too much, I'm afraid that I'll end up sticking my heels in the ground and doing nothing, and I don't want that.

Now, if you come up with an idea for something you think that I need to do and I disagree with it and don't do it, you'd be better off to leave it alone. Because after eight years of handing my life and my decisions over to someone else constantly, I'm pretty damned adamant about making my own. ;)

And, believe it or not, I'm pretty damned good at it, too.

Love,
Crystal

Edit: I wanted to add that if there's a project or something I've said I would help you with or money that I owe you, this blog doesn't apply to that. ;) I fully expect to be nagged over things I owe or things I commit to. 'Cause if I slack off on that, it's your business to make a fuss about it, because you're the one affected by it. Y'know?

borrowed from

mycybertuffet;

--------"Reprinted from this link:

"In a draft of a proposed Federal rule, the Bush administration wants to require all recipients of aid under federal health programs to certify that they will not refuse to hire nurses and other providers who object to abortion and even certain types of birth control. Hospitals, clinics, researchers and medical schools would have to sign “written certifications” that they won't discriminate in any way against people or institutions that oppose abortion or some forms of birth control or refuse to perform them. This includes oral contraception and emergency contraception and is apparently an attempt by the radical religious right to classify oral contraception as abortion. Naturally, the Bush administration is eager to help out.

So, the inner city women's clinic employee who refuses to talk to patients about birth control? Can't touch her. The hospital pharmacist who refuses to fill prescriptions for birth control? She can't be fired or disciplined. The doctor who refuses to give emergency contraception to a rape victim for "religious reasons?" Give that man a promotion."

These regulations are set to be put into practice next week. Here's your petition: http://www.hillpac.com/action/hhspetition/"

I don't have a problem with anti-abortionists having rights. I have a problem with them taking them away from other people. I'm on the fence about requiring pharmacies to hire people who don't believe in birth control. On the one hand, people have a right to their beliefs. Now, I think that if you're going to enforce a rule saying that pharmacies HAVE to consider people who don't believe in filling birth control scrips, I think that you should also draw the line at how MANY they are ALLOWED to have on staff. There HAS to be someone, at all times, who is able to fill any prescription that a doctor prescribes, and if you can't do that, then you can't even think about pulling this shit. You're taking away medicines that are, under some circumstances, life saving.

Yes, I said life SAVING. Have you ever heard of ectopic pregnancy? Situation: The pharmacy tech in a hospital doesn't believe in abortion or birth control, and a woman comes in suffering from an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy is where an embryo forms and attaches inside of a fallopian tube. If the embryo bursts the tube, the woman could DIE. The only way to SOLVE this problem? An abortion... specifically, the "morning after" pill. But the pharmacy tech won't fill the scrip. And the doc can't do a damned thing about it.

I'm sorry, I respect people's beliefs and all, and I'm not necessarily pro-abortion myself, but it's stupid to become a pharmacy tech when you know full well that there's a prescription you don't want to fill and I think that you should find a job that fits your beliefs considering that you live in a country where birth control and abortion are LEGAL, and therefor you really DON'T have a right to refuse to administer either if you're in a position to do so.

If your religious beliefs don't allow you to DO YOUR JOB, then PICK ANOTHER CAREER PATH. How many Amish cable installers do YOU know???

Love,
Crystal

Is that when Glenn pulled me into the conference room this morning to let me know that he was firing me, he asked me why I'd been accessing elaw at home. Why WAS I accessing elaw at home? Well the first time it was simply out of curiosity. I knew Karen had access to elaw at home because she'd sent me messages from home before. So I thought, "Hm, I wonder if I can get my messages at home and then sorta know what all's going to be waiting for me the next day at the office?" So I did, and I could.

So, from then on, anytime I found myself on a night before work unable to sleep because I was afraid I might be completely overwhelmed the next day because I might have fifty million things on my plate that I didn't know how to do and Glenn might yell at me like I was a complete idiot, I'd quiet my mind by checking on elaw, seeing what all I might have coming at me the next day, and telling myself, "Okay, I can handle this." And going to bed.

How do you think to say that when your boss, who's the one who's BEEN yelling at you like you're an idiot, is sitting in front of you at the conference room table firing you?

I mean, I guess what I don't understand is, what exactly was he trying to bust me doing? What made him SO suspicious about me checking on work stuff while I was at home? I had access to Justis from home when I worked at the Clerk's Office and once in a while I'd check the calendar for the next day's court, just to see what was coming at me. No one EVER jumped my shit about that. Hell, it was my BOSS who told me that I had access from home!

So, what exactly was I supposed to accomplish when my boss, for absolutely NO reason, didn't trust me?

I mean, what was I gonna do with elaw from home that could POSSIBLY damage anything at the office? What, was I gonna call people? I mean, OMG, would it have been horrible if I DID call people from home?? When THEY might actually be home???

My thought with accessing elaw at home was that maybe at some point if I ever had to take any time off, say because I was sick or some such, I might still be able to help out at the office. I'm dedicated, what can I say?

But he didn't want to work with my strengths. I had a lot of them to offer, that could have COMPLIMENTED my coworker's, but he didn't want to make use of them.

But then instead, he tried to accuse me of something? Of WHAT I'm not even sure...

*sigh* Guess I'm not certain what to think. I suppose that someone who's business is in so many grey areas, has to expect people to be shady to him. And perhaps, I'm just not that good at being fake and gregarious and reassuring that I don't have anything up my sleeve. I suppose I just expect to be taken at face value.

And perhaps in that position it's impossible to take anyone at face value. Hell, I'd probably drown as a lawyer.

I'd just, love to know what he was trying to corner me with. Because I DEFINITELY felt like he was trying to corner me.

*shrugs* Guess I'm just a tough person to corner. I suppose it comes with that whole, being honest thing.

But I still don't like being called a liar.

Granted, you'd think I might be used to it by now, what with all the crazy people and assholes in my life who HAVE tried to call me a liar (and more often than not been lying THEMSELVES, hell, sometimes TO themselves)... but I guess I find it so personally important to be honest (and be the kind of person that other people can be honest WITH), that it bugs me when I'm not trusted.

Love,
Crystal

I knew that I was taking a chance when I left the Clerk's Office to go work for Glenn, and that was part of the reason I TOOK it... I felt like I needed to take a few more risks in my life. Conquer some fears. Y'know?

So, it ended up being a bit of an epic fail. But like I said before... if you don't fall on your ass once in a while, you're not taking enough chances. Pick yourself up, dust off your ass, and go forward again.

('course, if you're CONSTANTLY falling on your ass, you should probably re-examine your walking style a little bit.)

Love,
Crystal

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crysthewolf

September 2010

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