Incon W00t!

Jul. 6th, 2009 04:18 pm
crysthewolf: (Default)

Had a FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC time at the convention. This year was my first year even being ON panels and I got to moderate my first one. Woohoo!!! It was a great time and I even had fun arguing with Jeff about effeminate vampires. Hey, I got a hug out of the deal, LOL. =D

It WAS a big downer that miss Kathie couldn’t make it, both because we didn’t get to enjoy her awesome awesomeness AND because the REASON she didn’t get to make it sucked major ass. But hopefully things will work out. We trudge through, we always do.

Got to hang out with lots of awesome folks, the Repo! evening was TEH SHYTE, and everything was seriously full of win. I did a lot of bouncing around between friends and social groups and spent VERY little time on my own, and that time was only at my own doing*. It was good times. =)

Great to meet Tammy Jo Eckhart (again, but I don’t think she remembers either time she’s met be before, and that’s alright, lol), Lou Harry, Sarah Zattel, and Robin Wood, among many many others.

And I would just like to say that Robin Wood is at least as cool as she is talented. And she is VERY TALENTED!!!!

Ellen, our friendly neighborhood conchair, was AWESOME, Stephen our programming head pulled together a great show, mah beautiful mama Anjala and her knight-in-camo-armor Dillan did a FANTASTIC job at the art show, mah friend Mel (and Liz!) ROCKED OUT the bellydance panel (that was SO MUCH FUN!), and I unfortunately missed Tom’s concert (mostly so that Chris could see it, since he never gets to and ONE of us had to go give the cat her de-worming drops), but hanging out with him at Dead Dog after the con while he wrote songs for Michael Z. Williamson’s son (Mike being also QUITE full of AWESOME… I still haven’t had the chance to read his stuff but I LOVE LOVE LOVE his weaponry booth… and if you see him at a con you should definitely check him out!) was a BLAST. All in all, I think it went very, VERY well. =D I even managed to behave myself and keep drama free for the ENTIRE weekend! Almost dipped my toe in just with my big mouth once or twice, but I think I did good, lol.

Much love to everyone (can you tell I spent a good portion of the weekend yapping with Tony? LOL) who made it out and everyone who couldn’t. I wish I could call out every one person who made my weekend awesome, but if I start I’m afraid the list will go on forever and WORSE, that I will leave someone important out. I hope you guys know who you are and if you don’t, hopefully I’ll get a chance to tell you in the near future. :)

Oh, and Jesse, I want you to know, even though we didn’t get to hang as much as I actually would have liked to, you really really really REALLY did make the convention better for me. I’m glad you came, and I will totally respect what you decide to do but I hope you enjoyed yourself enough that it makes you want to come back next year. *huggles* :)

I am completely wiped out, but I’m still glowing. :)

Always,
Crystal

*and as much fun as I was having, I probably should have taken a bit more, ’cause I am zombie girl today. “Soooooolitude… I need soooooooolitude….” LOL

Originally published at Crystal's World. Please feel free to comment here or there.

crysthewolf: (susannah)

My friend Ron is watching his father deteriorate before his eyes.

In the past few weeks/months he’s had people ask how his father is in manufactured concern and then go on to whine to him about their problems and drag him into them. He’s had one crazy person come onto him continuously in front of his fiance, proposition him, lose her fucking mind on him, and then come onto him again… all while she was (and is) dating one of his closest friends. He’s had people pull shit. He’s had people start shit. He’s had people come to him whining about problems that they either create for themselves or invite into their lives and expect him to be compassionate for them (genius, have you MET Ron? I mean really? Do you pay any fucking attention?), and get mad when he doesn’t have time or patience to listen gracefully. He’s had people start rumors about him and then lie about starting those rumors. He’s had people judge. He’s had people make fun. He’s had people dismiss.

Now I know and you know that the world doesn’t stop turning because you’re grieving. And I know and you know that grieving doesn’t give you license to be an asshole. But if you act like an idiot to someone who’s watching their loved one die of a painful disease, and they go off on you, why are you going to act surprised? Why are you gonna go off whining that they hurt you and they should be ashamed?

Ron’s pretty tough. He doesn’t dump his shit on other people to deal with. He doesn’t come to you cryin’ an bawlin’ about his father ’cause that’s not the way he rolls. But open your fucking eyes, morons. He doesn’t need your shit dumped on him. He doesn’t need your false pity in your attempts to win some game that you’ve made of his friendship. He doesn’t need your ass flipping out on him.

The man is WATCHING HIS FATHER DIE. What is it about that that you don’t GET?

If you can’t hold your shit together, fucking stay away from him. Leave him the fuck alone. Leave him for those of us who are able to pull our heads out of our asses long enough to give a shit about someone else’s problems more than we give a shit about other people feeling sorry for us.

Or keep it up. Keep on pokin’ the wounded bear. Go on… but call me first, ’cause I want to get it on video when he chews your fucking head off. And in the background of that video, you will hear me laughing my ass off. Because you have it coming.

Idiots.

(Can you tell I have a low tolerance for stupidity today?)

Love,
Crystal

Originally published at Crystal's World. Please feel free to comment here or there.

Apologies

Jun. 30th, 2009 04:03 pm
crysthewolf: (Default)

Let’s be real.

I’ll forgive most things if I’m given an apology. To me, all an apology means is that you know you did something unacceptable or hurtful and you’re going to try not to do it again. Too many people refuse to apologize even though they know they’ve done something wrong, because they’re too proud. I don’t smack people in the face with their apologies… I take them and move on, or I don’t.

There are several kinds of apologies that I won’t accept. Some of them show you immediately that they’re insincere. One of my older brothers got very verbally abusive with me several months ago, and then wrote an “I’m sorry” on my blog. Unfortunately, it was in the form of an “I’m sorry that you’re stupid and you don’t get this and that you think that I’m being hurtful” apology, and then he followed it up with some more verbal abuse.

I refused his apology. I have the freedom to do that, you see, as the offended party.

There are other kinds of apologies that I won’t take. When I say that an apology is “insincere” and that “you don’t mean it”, I don’t mean that you don’t have any emotion in your apology. I mean that your apology is useless because you have no intentions of backing it up with any actions. You may realize that what you did was wrong (you may not. You may just be apologizing so that you can get whatever privelidges back that you lost), but you have no intention of attempting to not do it again.

People have patterns. When people have a record, with you and with others, of “apologizing” and then never making any moves to recompense, and then later turning around and do the thing again, their apologies become worthless. As my mother used to say, “You can be as sorry as you want to, but don’t do it again.” I don’t need apologies, I need to know folk aren’t gonna fuck me over. Without that, “I’m sorry” is nothing but empty words, and blubbering on about what a terrible person you is nothing but a self-pitying plea for someone to disagree.

You can say I’m sorry from here ’till the end of time, and if you just keep doing the same shit over again, none of it matters.

And that’s why I don’t take all apologies. It’s reasonable, if you think about it. You fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

Well, fool me twice and you’re likely to get a slew of phone calls, emails, and blog entries telling you what a fucking asshole you are.

But you also won’t win my friendship back with an empty, meaningless apology.

Or anyone else’s.

–Crystal

Originally published at Crystal's World. Please feel free to comment here or there.

crysthewolf: (Default)

I read this blog post today: http://ohtobking.livejournal.com/908.html .  It was written back in December and I haven’t had any ill dealings with my father since.  The odd thing is, I didn’t have any ill dealings with him at the TIME, either.  I’ve searched through emails, I’ve gone back over livejournal entries, and I haven’t found anything between the cordial passing of “happy holidays” emails between him and I on the 26th and the next time we spoke at some point in January with him asking if I had  his email address blocked (and, fyi, I’d never actually HAD his email address blocked.  I don’t block people’s email addresses until they harass me.  I simply removed him from my LJ friends list and removed MYSELF from my message board) and me responding that I hadn’t, and then a series of emails asking how each other were.

So you can imagine my surprise when I stumbled over this today.  And my first response was, “Well damn.”

I wrote a couple of “friends only” LJ entries on the whole thing but the long and short of it is that I had realized earlier at some point that the source of a LOOOOT of my relationship problems stem from the way my parents’ have spoken to me.  Dad has continuously brought up instances of me acting out of a teenager (that, notably, I don’t remember) and Mom has continuously told me what an ungrateful brat I am (when she wasn’t worrying about me going to Hell), and the truth is, I expect the same from everyone else.  I think I always have.  To be honest, I’m not even sure I believed it from THEM… I’ve just always expected it from other people.

Which is, I think, why I tend to beat people to the punch.  I decide for myself “they don’t want me around”, and then I get bitter about it.  I can trace instances of this and it makes me cringe.  And it’s not that the other people in those situations were exactly FAULTLESS… but I didn’t have much grace for them, either.  Because they were just doing what I’d always known they’d do.

Even if they weren’t actually doing it.

So today I begin anew, methinks.  For one thing, my father is off the hook.  Whether he wants to be a part of my life at all or not, I’m beyond expecting him to make up for the behavior that’s been exhibited in the past, including this particular blog.  Fact of the matter is, I’m beyond expecting anything different from him.  As far as my older brother is concerned (who is the glad recipient of the previous blog entry, and you can find the rest of his crazy ass here , if you’re that interested… go on, have a good time.  Tell him I sent you), he’s got his own bag of issues and I don’t have any interest in dealing with someone who’s going to toy with my emotions and fuck with my head.

The bottom line, though, is that even when I think these things myself… it’s really, really healing to hear it from other people.  I had already begun to have the conversation with myself on the question of “What kind of parent says things like that about his own kid on the internet???”  and ask myself what I’d think if I’d just stumbled across that blog and didn’t know who it was.

But here, for my sake and the sake of any of my family who may be reading who happen to SHARE Dad’s particularly low opinion of me (and my sanity), I figured I’d repeat some of the things that they said that resonated with me.  They’re general good advice and thoughts for anyone going through anything like a similar situation.

Abuse is abuse, no matter how old you are.  This is abuse.  You don’t have to stay in an abusive situation, regardless of who you may be related to.  You are not required to pursue abusive relationships.

And, Dad?

You’re wrong.

Read the rest of this entry » )

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