Now what ACTUALLY gets to m e...

[crysthewolf]

Is that when Glenn pulled me into the conference room this morning to let me know that he was firing me, he asked me why I'd been accessing elaw at home.  Why WAS I accessing elaw at home?  Well the first time it was simply out of curiosity.  I knew Karen had access to elaw at home because she'd sent me messages from home before.  So I thought, "Hm, I wonder if I can get my messages at home and then sorta know what all's going to be waiting for me the next day at the office?"  So I did, and I could.

So, from then on, anytime I found myself on a night before work unable to sleep because I was afraid I might be completely overwhelmed the next day because I might have fifty million things on my plate that I didn't know how to do and Glenn might yell at me like I was a complete idiot, I'd quiet my mind by checking on elaw, seeing what all I might have coming at me the next day, and telling myself, "Okay, I can handle this."  And going to bed.

How do you think to say that when your boss, who's the one who's BEEN yelling at you like you're an idiot, is sitting in front of you at the conference room table firing you?

I mean, I guess what I don't understand is, what exactly was he trying to bust me doing?  What made him SO suspicious about me checking on work stuff while I was at home?  I had access to Justis from home when I worked at the Clerk's Office and once in a while I'd check the calendar for the next day's court, just to see what was coming at me.  No one EVER jumped my shit about that.  Hell, it was my BOSS who told me that I had access from home!

So, what exactly was I supposed to accomplish when my boss, for absolutely NO reason, didn't trust me?

I mean, what was I gonna do with elaw from home that could POSSIBLY damage anything at the office?  What, was I gonna call people?  I mean, OMG, would it have been horrible if I DID call people from home??  When THEY might actually be home???

My thought with accessing elaw at home was that maybe at some point if I ever had to take any time off, say because I was sick or some such, I might still be able to help out at the office.  I'm dedicated, what can I say?

But he didn't want to work with my strengths.  I had a lot of them to offer, that could have COMPLIMENTED my coworker's, but he didn't want to make use of them.

But then instead, he tried to accuse me of something?  Of WHAT I'm not even sure...

*sigh*  Guess I'm not certain what to think.  I suppose that someone who's business is in so many grey areas, has to expect people to be shady to him. And perhaps, I'm just not that good at being fake and gregarious and reassuring that I don't have anything up my sleeve.  I suppose I just expect to be taken at face value.

And perhaps in that position it's impossible to take anyone at face value.  Hell, I'd probably drown as a lawyer. 

I'd just, love to know what he was trying to corner me with.  Because I DEFINITELY felt like he was trying to corner me.

*shrugs* Guess I'm just a tough person to corner.  I suppose it comes with that whole, being honest thing.

But I still don't like being called a liar.

Granted, you'd think I might be used to it by now, what with all the crazy people and assholes in my life who HAVE tried to call me a liar (and more often than not been lying THEMSELVES, hell, sometimes TO themselves)...  but I guess I find it so personally important to be honest (and be the kind of person that other people can be honest WITH), that it bugs me when I'm not trusted.

Love,
Crystal

Comments

[mycybertuffet.livejournal.com]

In my experience, people who want to be upset with somebody will do their best to find something to be upset with them about, and are somehow remarkably good at blocking out the fact that they're usually being hypocrites. They just kinda pull shit outta their asses and convince themselves it's legitimate - how, I really don't know; it's an endless mystery to me. But they do it - and quite frequently.

And then we get confused and scared when our perceptions of the world somehow don't seem to match up with theirs. And sometimes, if it gets bad enough, we wonder if we're crazy, which is when it becomes emotional abuse.

[anjala.livejournal.com]

It sounds like your former boss and my former office manager were two peas of a pod.

There were many times I wish I could have checked my e-mail from home so I could be prepared for the next day.

What an asshole.

(((hugs)))

I am free tomorrow (without a car). If you want to come by, you are more than welcome. Dillan has drill tomorrow and will not be home until probably after 6:00 p.m.

[confusedjew.livejournal.com]

you're still up for the justice job right? maybe that'll come through soon.

[echoweaver.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's just really insulting. If you have access to the info, you have it. There's nothing damaging you could find at home that you couldn't find at work at send to yourself at home. Bah.

[the-pixie.livejournal.com]

Chrystal, I'm sorry to hear about your job, however you have indicated since you got it that you really are hating the job. I'm sure this probably in small ways was displayed at work as well, which might have been something that your boss picked up on.. Considering how shady you've indicated that he is, if he picked up on it, then he might have gotten afraid that you would reveal information to the outside world about his practices, and thus he started feeling not so comfortable himself. Personally, I can't even imagine NOT having access to my e-mail at home (however I do work horrible hours)..

Following this same logic, if he felt uncomfortable about having his work ethics revealed, he probably did get paranoid when he saw that you were accessing e-mail from home.

Good luck with the job hunt. I have several positions that I hope will be coming up, however with the way my office works, it probably is going to be several more weeks before I can get approval for the positions. If you're still unemployeed by then, I'll let you know about the positions.

[indyellen.livejournal.com]

(Icon directed at now ex-boss)

I'm sorry it happened, dear, but I think you'll be better off. (For examples, read my LJ from November to January...) :) He was a scumbucket, and you deserve better.

Hang in there!

[smithwick1974.livejournal.com]

he does sound like an insecure little jackass