So I Lost My Job.

The good part is, I got a bit of a severance so rent for next month is covered.  My now-former boss is also going to call my OLD boss and see if he can get me my old job back.  He said he just doesn't think that my "skill-set" is quite right for a law office (I don't know if I'd say "skill-set" as much as "sanity-level". ;) ) but he thought I was a great clerk and that I did really well over there.  He gave me pay for the work I did this week (which was only a couple of days) and a full paycheck for next week, and said that if he CAN'T get me my old job back, he'll cut me ANOTHER full check on Friday. So yeah, rent is taken care of, at least.

I suppose I'm feeling okay about it.  I mean, it's never great to lose a job, but it wasn't exactly a job I was in love with, either.  I WAS starting to like the people fairly well, particularly my co-worker, and while she wished me well I don't know if that feeling was really exactly mutual or anything.  That bums me out a little bit, but it happens.

I suppose the bottom line is that I'm a little concerned but not TOO concerned.  I've never gone for more than a couple of weeks without a job, so I'm not expecting to run out of money before I find another one, even if the Clerk's Office DOESN'T take me back.  For part of today and then starting Monday until I DO find something else, my full time job is to find another job.  At least now I'll have time to run down the uber-list that Brandi sent me and do a lot more follow-up than I was able to do sitting at a desk working my ass off at something I kinda sucked at.

Sorry, but I don't work well for attorneys.  There's a certain... well, I can't find a good way to say it, unfortunately... there's a certain level of dishonesty necessary in that business that I'm simply never going to be any good at.  *shrugs*

Love,
Crystal

And I'll Reiterate...

I knew that I was taking a chance when I left the Clerk's Office to go work for Glenn, and that was part of the reason I TOOK it... I felt like I needed to take a few more risks in my life.  Conquer some fears.  Y'know?

So, it ended up being a bit of an epic fail.  But like I said before... if you don't fall on your ass once in a while, you're not taking enough chances.  Pick yourself up, dust off your ass, and go forward again.

('course, if you're CONSTANTLY falling on your ass, you should probably re-examine your walking style a little bit.)

Love,
Crystal

Now what ACTUALLY gets to m e...

Is that when Glenn pulled me into the conference room this morning to let me know that he was firing me, he asked me why I'd been accessing elaw at home.  Why WAS I accessing elaw at home?  Well the first time it was simply out of curiosity.  I knew Karen had access to elaw at home because she'd sent me messages from home before.  So I thought, "Hm, I wonder if I can get my messages at home and then sorta know what all's going to be waiting for me the next day at the office?"  So I did, and I could.

So, from then on, anytime I found myself on a night before work unable to sleep because I was afraid I might be completely overwhelmed the next day because I might have fifty million things on my plate that I didn't know how to do and Glenn might yell at me like I was a complete idiot, I'd quiet my mind by checking on elaw, seeing what all I might have coming at me the next day, and telling myself, "Okay, I can handle this."  And going to bed.

How do you think to say that when your boss, who's the one who's BEEN yelling at you like you're an idiot, is sitting in front of you at the conference room table firing you?

I mean, I guess what I don't understand is, what exactly was he trying to bust me doing?  What made him SO suspicious about me checking on work stuff while I was at home?  I had access to Justis from home when I worked at the Clerk's Office and once in a while I'd check the calendar for the next day's court, just to see what was coming at me.  No one EVER jumped my shit about that.  Hell, it was my BOSS who told me that I had access from home!

So, what exactly was I supposed to accomplish when my boss, for absolutely NO reason, didn't trust me?

I mean, what was I gonna do with elaw from home that could POSSIBLY damage anything at the office?  What, was I gonna call people?  I mean, OMG, would it have been horrible if I DID call people from home??  When THEY might actually be home???

My thought with accessing elaw at home was that maybe at some point if I ever had to take any time off, say because I was sick or some such, I might still be able to help out at the office.  I'm dedicated, what can I say?

But he didn't want to work with my strengths.  I had a lot of them to offer, that could have COMPLIMENTED my coworker's, but he didn't want to make use of them.

But then instead, he tried to accuse me of something?  Of WHAT I'm not even sure...

*sigh*  Guess I'm not certain what to think.  I suppose that someone who's business is in so many grey areas, has to expect people to be shady to him. And perhaps, I'm just not that good at being fake and gregarious and reassuring that I don't have anything up my sleeve.  I suppose I just expect to be taken at face value.

And perhaps in that position it's impossible to take anyone at face value.  Hell, I'd probably drown as a lawyer. 

I'd just, love to know what he was trying to corner me with.  Because I DEFINITELY felt like he was trying to corner me.

*shrugs* Guess I'm just a tough person to corner.  I suppose it comes with that whole, being honest thing.

But I still don't like being called a liar.

Granted, you'd think I might be used to it by now, what with all the crazy people and assholes in my life who HAVE tried to call me a liar (and more often than not been lying THEMSELVES, hell, sometimes TO themselves)...  but I guess I find it so personally important to be honest (and be the kind of person that other people can be honest WITH), that it bugs me when I'm not trusted.

Love,
Crystal