Not Ready. (A Twrant.)

[crysthewolf]

So a friend of mine recently had a nasty experience with a girl who said she "wasn't ready to date" him when he expressed an interest in her. She strung him along for a while, went on some dates with him (even though she "wasn't ready"), and then, a few days ago, told him that she didn't want to continue pursuing their relationship and promptly began DATING (officially as I understand it) another young man.

I kept my mouth shut during most of the fiasco because I wanted to be wrong, but my friend Ron didn't. That's why I love Ron but, I was honestly hoping that it would turn out well for my friend, and it was unfortunate that it didn't.

Something similar happened to him a few years ago actually... he was really into a girl who kept saying that she wasn't ready to date and she wasn't ready to date. He didn't TELL her that he was into her, because, well, she wasn't ready to date. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable or pursued when she didn't want to be. After a couple of years (hey, the boy's dedicated) of waiting it out while she went in and out of being "not ready", she started dating another friend of theirs (after she'd said she "wasn't ready"), and he finally gave up the ghost.

I only found out about that one a couple of weeks ago. That girl was me. And I am here to testify...

That it's BULLSHIT.

Oh sure, people say things like that all the time. And we're always trying to figure out the "right way" to do things. We do all the right things. We say all the right things. And in the end? It all comes to bullshit.

Why?

Because there are no right things.

And there are no wrong things.

And so, because I found out about all of this nonsense via Twitter (pretty much all around), my rant tonight takes the form of a Twrant:


crysthewolf Yeah, I'll attest to this... when chicks say "I'm not ready to date"? We're completely full of shit. about 4 hours ago from BeTwittered

Nameless Friend: @crysthewolf well the first time I listened when a woman said that and I got screwed ;). The second time I ignored it and got screwed... frmo web in reply to crysthewolf

crysthewolf@Nameless Friend lol, well I tried to warn you. "Hmmm, not ready to date, I remember back when I said that it was a load of shit." about 1 hour ago from web in reply to Nameless Friend

crysthewolf @Nameless Friend granted, I was saying it because the crazy cult people said I wasn't ready to date. about 1 hour agoNameless Friend

crysthewolf < @Nameless Friend you know, maybe the next time a woman says that, you ought to just make a run for it, eh? 42 minutes ago from the web in reply to Nameless Friend


crysthewolfI think I need to make a chick version of "He's Just Not That Into You." Except that it wouldn't be a chick version, because I'm not sexist 41 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfIt would be a version that actually had HELPFUL advice, instead of making you second guess your perfectly healthy relationship because 40 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfyour dude doesn't have his head up your ass. 40 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfGAAAH! I swear to BOB my cat FINDS shit that she can knock off shelves!!!!! 37 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfbreathes* ok, my book. That's better than "He's Just Not That Into You". It'll be called, "Signs that you should make a run for it." 37 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfSign one: you hang around, show your interest, and she says "I'm not ready to date." 36 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfSign two: She's still living with her ex. 36 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfSign three: He has to change the locks on his ex. 35 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfSign four: your ex tells you that HIS ex had a one night stand with him... 34 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfSign five: his ex takes you to lunch to tell you that she's his ex...  33 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfSign six: she gives you some bullshit list of signs as an excuse to not date you. 33 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfSign seven: You mention that a friend is reading "He's Just Not That Into You" and he suggests you should read it too. 33 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfExcept that, aside from the LAST one? All of those signs are actually bullshit. 'Cause you know what? Dating, relationships, romance, passion, 33 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolflove... they don't come with a how-to manual. Or, incidentally, a how NOT to manual.  People try to tell themselves they do, but they DON'T. 32 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfYou don't have any choice, no matter what kind of person you are, it won't let you plan it out. 32 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfIt'll kick you in the ass and then kiss you better. It'll completely fuck you over and then, five minutes later, give you the world. 31 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolfIt's life. By the way? THAT doesn't come with an instruction manual EITHER. 31 minutes ago from the web


crysthewolf*tosses hat* good luck kiddies.  31 minutes ago from the web


This Twitter Rant (or Twrant) has been brought to you by Crys's Twitter.  Because sometimes what you REALLY need is a bitch session in less than 140 characters.

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This twrant has been submitted for Topic 8 of "The Real LJ Idol". Vote for me! ;)

Comments

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

I am not sure what is happening, on my friends page, it is showing in a whole line, and making me scroll side by side (try that in magnified font), but it doesn't show up in your actual entry page? Just wanted you to know... dunno what is happening.

However, great stance on the entry... I am sorry this is so not fun and it is happening to you! I am not a fan of Twitter, but sometimes, so few words certainly can say a lot though!

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

Eep. Ok I'll look into it. Thanks!

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

Ok, is that better?

[echoweaver.livejournal.com]

I'm going to guess that the formatting for the Twitter entries that I assume you copy-pasted from them had a huge number of

tags that ended up inside the cut, and the corresponding

tags ended up outside the cut.

Otherwise the entry is a word to the wise, and I like the format of leaving it in Twitter :).

[burndark.livejournal.com]

*channels Sam Beckett* Oh Boy

First off I should probably clarify some things. My most recent reason for being upset about my life has really nothing to do with this issue. When I asked you last night if you knew what was going on with me I assumed that whomever you spoke to (likely Ron or Carrie) had told you not only about this but the news that I found out from my mom on Friday night. If you don't know what I'm talking about then I will fill you in later, but suffice it to say there is a bigger issue going on.

Now regarding this issue: like I said last night I listened the first time a woman told me that (you) and ignored it the second time a woman told me that (her). There are several reasons for the difference in my behavior between the two situations. With you it seemed that every time I came into your life you were dealing with some big issue or were with someone else. First there was the issues with losing Wes and the drama you had with his father. Right when you were "ready to date" you began to see Dave. While you said on several occasions that you and he were not exclusive I don't feel that I could date someone in that fashion. Basically I didn't go for it then because I was not willing to share. After that ended you went through that stuff with the MBMB crew in 2006 and you stated again that you were not ready to date. When that simmered down you began to date S and that's when I really got upset with you. I was mad basically because you picked him over me. However at that point you didn't know that I was interested.

With her it was different. I stated twice that I was interested in her. Having learned from my previous mistake with you (and other women as well) regarding not making a move I figured it would be best to at least try. It was the second time that she basically gave me an answer of "not now". She asked me to formally ask her on a date. We held hands. I put my arm around her. She was never fickle about any of this. While officially we were not dating I saw it as certainly something more than friendship.

She had told me that other men were interested in her. I knew this from the beginning. In fact a friend of mine was one of those guys. That she was talking to them was no surprise. What I was surprised about was that she chose someone else over me. I don't even know if surprise is the right word. I was more hurt than anything.

I personally see the whole thing as more of a breakup for yet unknown reasons (at least to me). She and I have not discussed it much but I think I know what a couple of the major factors were in just thinking back about things. I don't feel like I was deceived. I don't think that I was there for amusement either. There was a legitimate interest there that simply is not there any more.

Thank you for taking up the mantle for me. I know that you do want me to be happy. I just wanted you to hear my thoughts on it as well.

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

I understand. And I already knew that this wasn't the only reason that you were upset about your life right now. I knew about your parents too. It was just this situation that inspired some thoughts.

I don't like ambiguity, and you know that, and that put me on edge with the whole thing in the first place... but the point is that you didn't mind the ambiguity and you accepted (and accept) the consequences of it... and as far as I'm concerned it's entirely your business and your choice, and furthermore it was the right one for you.

Which is essentially what I was trying to get at with those ideas and then with putting them all together in a journal entry. At first I was irked over the whole thing because I felt like "Things like this shouldn't be ambiguous." Then I realized that there ARE no hard and fast rules like that, that people have to make their own choices and determine their own convictions, and I realized that you'd done precisely that.

So no, this journal entry isn't a dissertation as to why you shouldn't have gotten involved in that situation. It was a realization that you knew exactly what you were getting into, and that there are a lot of things going on in your world right now that are, yes, bringing you down, but that you didn't bring any of them on yourself. With this situation in PARTICULAR, you knew the risks, you took them, and frankly I'm proud of you.

Also, the entry wasn't just about you. ;) Try to keep in mind that when I write things like that they may be originally inspired by a particular person or event, but after that my thoughts then tend to wander off in other directions. They find shiny things and then chase them down. =)

And, like I said, I AM sorry for EVERYTHING that you're going through.