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I realized something today...
Apr. 29th, 2008 12:04 pm I absolutely, positively, HATE gossip.
I just can barely stand it. Now, mind you, there's a pretty fine line, in my world, between gossip and not gossip... but it's a clear one, too... to an extent.
My rules:
Telling someone about someone else's failings or ANYTHING that might put them in a bad light instead of leaving it to the someone else=gossip.
Telling someone about your OWN business=not gossip.
Telling someone about your own business that also involves someone else's business=on the fence, but generally regarded as not gossip (depending on the circumstance, who the someone else IS, and why you're doing the telling.)
Now don't get me wrong.. folks have fallings out and they need to talk about it. Folks have troubles with other folks and they need to talk about it. And typically... that doesn't bother me (there has been ONE time that it has and there were extenuating circumstances... which may or may not have included PMS. Just a bit. ;) ) I have the ability to empathize with people without sharing their anger, hurt, or hatred for the person that they've been damaged by. That's just me, and not everyone can do that.
But I hate listening to people talk about each other. I HATE being told stories about what this person did to that person or how that person fucked up a convention (*grumble*) or this person had to put that person in their place...
Why? Because it can affect how I feel about them. I have a friend that I waited a long time to try to get to really know because of something someone else told me. And nobody MEANT to paint anyone in a bad light... they were just TALKING.
I guess it bugs me that people sometimes forget how much hurt talking can do.
You know that group of friends that hurt me so badly before? They were able to compound that hurt by telling each other things about me behind my back, twisting stories and spinning situations. So everyone was able to get angry with me, because a few people stretched the truth to one another, or "forgot" certain details. And then there was another group of friends before THAT, one of whom was able to convince many of them that I was a liar doing nothing else but saying so. Or, there was the church I was going to when I first found out I was pregnant...
Well, we won't even GO there.
But suffice it to say, talk can hurt. Words paint who we are in other people's minds and hearts. And we don't THINK about that when we talk about people. Hell, if someone's pissed us off... we may flat out not GIVE a damn.
But human hearts can be pretty fragile things, and we like to forget that. If we want people to care enough about us to not go ramming into our cars on the freeway... we ought to care enough about them not to go ramming into their souls in casual conversation.
That's just my opinion. But you might be warned, I guess, that the next time you want to "tell me about somebody"... you might be irritating me. ;) (Although, I'll say again, it doesn't bother me when people need to talk about how they've been hurt by someone else or a situation they're dealing with. I GET that. Been there. ;) )
Love,
Crystal
I just can barely stand it. Now, mind you, there's a pretty fine line, in my world, between gossip and not gossip... but it's a clear one, too... to an extent.
My rules:
Telling someone about someone else's failings or ANYTHING that might put them in a bad light instead of leaving it to the someone else=gossip.
Telling someone about your OWN business=not gossip.
Telling someone about your own business that also involves someone else's business=on the fence, but generally regarded as not gossip (depending on the circumstance, who the someone else IS, and why you're doing the telling.)
Now don't get me wrong.. folks have fallings out and they need to talk about it. Folks have troubles with other folks and they need to talk about it. And typically... that doesn't bother me (there has been ONE time that it has and there were extenuating circumstances... which may or may not have included PMS. Just a bit. ;) ) I have the ability to empathize with people without sharing their anger, hurt, or hatred for the person that they've been damaged by. That's just me, and not everyone can do that.
But I hate listening to people talk about each other. I HATE being told stories about what this person did to that person or how that person fucked up a convention (*grumble*) or this person had to put that person in their place...
Why? Because it can affect how I feel about them. I have a friend that I waited a long time to try to get to really know because of something someone else told me. And nobody MEANT to paint anyone in a bad light... they were just TALKING.
I guess it bugs me that people sometimes forget how much hurt talking can do.
You know that group of friends that hurt me so badly before? They were able to compound that hurt by telling each other things about me behind my back, twisting stories and spinning situations. So everyone was able to get angry with me, because a few people stretched the truth to one another, or "forgot" certain details. And then there was another group of friends before THAT, one of whom was able to convince many of them that I was a liar doing nothing else but saying so. Or, there was the church I was going to when I first found out I was pregnant...
Well, we won't even GO there.
But suffice it to say, talk can hurt. Words paint who we are in other people's minds and hearts. And we don't THINK about that when we talk about people. Hell, if someone's pissed us off... we may flat out not GIVE a damn.
But human hearts can be pretty fragile things, and we like to forget that. If we want people to care enough about us to not go ramming into our cars on the freeway... we ought to care enough about them not to go ramming into their souls in casual conversation.
That's just my opinion. But you might be warned, I guess, that the next time you want to "tell me about somebody"... you might be irritating me. ;) (Although, I'll say again, it doesn't bother me when people need to talk about how they've been hurt by someone else or a situation they're dealing with. I GET that. Been there. ;) )
Love,
Crystal
