Letters Unsent (sortof)

[crysthewolf]

Dear Nathan and Eric, and various other Pastors of Lakeview Christian Church in Indianapolis;

What the hell is wrong with you people?

I attended your church a few years ago, although you may not remember me.  My name is Crystal Walter.  At the time, I went by Cris.  I was close friends with a woman named Rachel, and her husband John.  You ruined that friendship, among other things, by the way... at least for a while.

I was in the choir.

I was involved with a man named Bil.

Do you remember me now?

Again, I have to ask, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

To start off with, you pried into my personal business by LYING to my best friend.  I don't know if you REALIZED that you were lying or not, but you took a story to her about how the man that I was involved with at the time had molested his step-daughter.  This story was UNTRUE.  I'm not sure who TOLD it to you, probably his crazy ex-wife, but the least you could have done was to check up on it before you went about spreading it.  I worked at the City County Building at the time, so I DID check up on it.  As it turns out, Bil was ACCUSED of "molesting" his step-daughter... literally, he was accused of accidentally on purpose possibly brushing the top of her breast while giving her a shoulder-rub.  This was the story that the girl told the police that she re-canted... the same story that the child psychologist involved in the case noted that he believed she had been coached by her mother to tell. 

The case never went to court.

But that's not what you told Rach.

Because of whatever sick obsession you may have had with me and my sex-life, you felt the need to emotionally manipulate my friend in an effort to get her to divulge the details of my relationship with Bil.  It worked.  Congratulations, you scared the shit out of a twenty-year-old girl so that she would rat out her best friend... scared her enough so that she never felt as though she could be honest with you or anyone else about HER personal life; scared her enough that she feared for her job should she be caught in any situation YOU might have deemed inappropriate with HER boyfriend.

And again I ask... what the hell is wrong with you people?

Because you didn't stop there.  That's part of what makes the whole thing sick.  You didn't stop there, and you didn't stop with asking ME about the situation.  You didn't ask me... you didn't approach me over the phone or privately.  Instead, you instructed my friend to keep her mouth shut while she drove me to church that next Sunday, and then, DURING choir practice, NATHAN PULLED ME OUT OF CHOIR and into your office to confront me about the situation while Eric preached a message to the rest of the choir about "sin in the camp"!!!!

...And you didn't stop there, either.

Over the next few weeks, you demanded that I never speak with my lover again, you told the ENTIRE PASTORAL STAFF OF LAKEVIEW about MY SEX LIFE, and you refused to allow me to help or be involved in ANY ministry, even sweeping floors, in your church... to avoid "sin in the camp".

You're sick.

My best friend and I drifted apart for several years until very recently when she approached me and apologized about the situation.  SHE felt terribly guilty.  SHE FELT GUILTY, because YOU scared her and manipulated her into giving you information that was none of your business.

And you treated me like I was some sort of skank... like I was a slut... like I was a whore... for having the NERVE, to have sex with a man, whom I was in love with, who was in love with me.

You berated me for "having sex with a married man".  A married man?!  Yes, it's true, Bil was in the process of a divorce.  A divorce that had, thus far, been going on for a YEAR.  A divorce, initiated by his wife, who had had a RESTRAINING ORDER OUT AGAINST HIM FOR SIX MONTHS BEFORE I EVEN MET HIM.  A divorce that was final in regards to everything except for the custody agreement, which his ex wife was attempting to fix so that he would NEVER SEE HIS CHILDREN AGAIN.

And so, again, I ask you...

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?????????

What is it, that makes people like you, OBSESSED with other people's sex lives?  What is it that makes you pour over rules and regulations that have no biblical basis in the first place... and have no basis in sanity in the second?  

And what is it... I would love to know... what, on earth, is it, that makes you think, that you can do this, and call it love?

All of these things happened to me a little more than five years ago, and I am still seeing consequences of your involvement in my life.  I should have somehow found a way to press charges, but I felt that that would be petty.  

But I can only conclude, upon reflecting on all of the things that happened five years ago... that you must be, after some manner, very, very ill.

And I am glad to be free of your illness.

Sincerely,
Crystal N. Walter

Comments

damn...

[thedruidbear.livejournal.com]

...we all have stories like this, I am sure, but mine is not near as bad.

I had run into the little sister of an old high school acquaintance. He was a decent guy and I met his sister on occasion when I gone to his house. She was about 6 years my junior though and in HS, that made a difference. Well, years had passed and after talking, I decided to ask her out. We went out maybe three or four times, dinner or movie. Well, she said they were having a dinner at her church and invited she invited me to come along. When we arrived, I filled out the visitors card and we went to the hall. I was introduced to her friends as her boyfriend and the evening went on. After (the potluck), the women folk suddenly disappeared to the kitchen area and the men went to another classroom. Of course, being a man, I went to. The lights were lowered and the praying commenced. Soon, "tongues" were being spoken and some men were on the floor shaking in convulsions. Now, I've not naive to the ways of a revival, my paternal grandparents were southern baptist. I just sat there quietly until that part was over. When the lights we brought back up, even the most "spirited" person had straightened himself up. I walked out and was rejoined my Jane (not her real name). She took my arm and we walked into the church. Midway through the service, after the sermon, the preacher stopped to welcome the visitors. "We are honored to have Mr & Mrs Jones from Cumberland Baptist. And to Miss Smith from the First Church of the Nazarene, guest of Mr Roberts, welcome. And to Mr Bear, guest of Miss Jane Doe, from Saint Thom..er.... Fortville, welcome." The preacher could not even say the NAME of my church (not that I attended anymore, but still). After the service, Jane was pulled aside and from me. I could hear her crying in the next room while I was quizzed on my beliefs and knowledge of the "true bible". On the drive home, she told me she could not see me any more. That is was not right. I could not get out of her what was not right. It was a long ride home.

This was not the first time being raised Catholic ruined a good relationship nor was it the last. Of course, being Catholic is only slightly higher than being agnostic.

May you find peace, love, and forgiveness.

Bear

Re: damn...

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Yeah, that's a story I've unfortunately heard about a thousand times, and it's terribly sad.

There are a lot of protestants out there who consider someone from a Catholic background "not a real Christian" and thusly nice Christian girls aren't allowed to date them, because they'd be "unequally yoked". I bet you I could give you word-for-word the speach that your lady friend was given, too. I don't think I ever got it myself (I didn't really date much when I first became a Christian and once I DID start showing more interest in boys, I already knew "the rules"), but I remember quite distinctly the groups of father-figures that would surround vulnerable young women in churches and emotionally manipulate them to the Nth degree.

I think it very nearly qualifies as sexual abuse.

Re: damn...

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't hold it against your friend, btw, any more than I hold my situation against my friend. Those self-imposed authority figures can be pretty good at manipulating.

Re: damn...

[cori-chronicles.livejournal.com]

Good grief. That is just crazy to me.

[cori-chronicles.livejournal.com]

It angers me so much that people do this in the name of religion, which the spirit of that religion is supposed to be about love. Just leaves me feeling so sick.

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

*nods* The shame is that it doesn't make THEM sick.