Dude.

My Gmail is giiiiiirly.  *grin*

Love,
Crystal

and if the holidays aren't bad enough...

Once again my dad's all worked up about my brother and i, because my brother and his wife (the ones who said they didn't want to be around me?) said they would be comfortable being in the same room with me at thanksgiving.  so dad tells me that if i am on my best behavior and tippy toe around any sensitive topics then everything should be fine.

i've BEEN on my best behavior.  I didn't do shit wrong and I'm sick of being blamed because my big brother and his wife decided that I was worthless and that they should call me names and be verbally abusive after however-many-years of NOT FUCKING KNOWING ME.

This is my fucked up family.  This is my crazy ass, fucked up family, and if my holiday season wasn't already like sliding naked on a razor blade into a pool of salt-water because every fucking year I have to relive the memory of being pregnant and looking forward to a new baby only to have him dead come Valentine's Day... it's just all that much MORE fun with them running around acting like jackasses.

and all I want, is for someone to just, fucking, make it stop.  I don't want to lose my job because I can't function enough to go into work.  I'm GOING into work tomorrow, because I LIKE my job and it takes my mind OFF of all of this shit... although don't be too surprised if I go email silent tomorrow.  If you need me your best bet is to text me, 'cause I'll most likely even disable email on my phone.  I'm SURE as hell disabling email on my phone on Thanksgiving weekend, and will have to do my best to resist checking on it at all.  If I weren't concerned with people being able to get ahold of me I'd just leave my phone at home.  Hell, if I still feel this shitty I might yet do just that.

If you leave me any comments telling me why it's my own fault that my brother and my mother put me in this place, i won't speak to you again. 

Broken,
Crystal
 

THAT'S IT, YOU'RE ALL GROUNDED.

My Mom's been driving me crazy, Dad gets all in a tizzy over Wil because he believes him and Toni when they say act like every disagreement between me and them is my fault and that if I'd just keep my mouth shut everything'd be fine.  I don't understand why so many people in my world seem to get so well that, regardless of whether what they say is MEANT to be hurtful to me, "I'm talking and that's causing her pain, perhaps I should stop talking and stop causing her pain."  Or that when you blame me for other people being mean to me, it sends me into a whirlwind of hurt and darkness that I just don't have control over yet (yes, I will, but it takes time, so back off a minute.) ...and other people, don't have a fucking clue.

Since my family, whether well-meaning or not, don't quite seem to get that, you're all put on notice... you are GROUNDED until after the holidays.  Spend time with each other, have fun in a Crys-free world for a little while, because I need to hole up and be away from you all. 

Brian and Jennifer and the boys are NOT grounded, you are MORE THAN WELCOME TO CONTACT ME TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT!  (give the boys my cell number if they want it.)  Let me repeat, BRIAN AND JENNIFER AND JAKEB AND JUSTIN, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME ABSOLUTELY ANYTIME, ALWAYS. Cory and Zoey are also NOT grounded, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME ABSOLUTELY ANYTIME.

The rest of you are on notice until either the holiday season passes or I feel like I can deal with you again.

Dad, feel free to visit my message board and I'm going to leave it's moderation in Harley's capable hands for the time being.  I'll be back later.  If I don't respond to your emails it's because I'm filtering them to a special folder to check up on later.  If there's an emergency have Brian and Jennifer call me.

Yes, that's right, I'm taking a vacation from all of you.  Sorry, I need a time out.  Sorry it's during the holidays but, y'know, that may very well be better for everyone.

Love,

Crystal