What the Hell Do You Believe?

I'm Pagan.

I don't know quite when that happened, just that it happened.  At some point a while ago, I left behind Christianity and declared myself "AgnoPagan".  At some point I flitted through "Christopaganostic".  Now, it's just Pagan.

But what the hell does that mean?

For me, I suppose, it means that I don't have "faith", per-sey.  I HAVE faith in things in as much as anyone ever does... but it's faith with a solid evidence.  It's a faith in things that I can observe, things that I can see, things that I can make happen.  Have I seen prayers "work", as it were?  Sure, but I couldn't tell you WHY.  I've never seen a god or goddess.  I've seen people say things and do things and cause other things to happen.  I've seen other people pray and make themselves simply feel better.  

And I kinda wonder.. how much else really matters?

Rituals and spells FEEL as powerful to me as worship and prayer used to... and no one's asking me to give up my thoughts and my feelings and all of my decisions to them.  That's why I prefer this path.  Anyone who has judgments for that ought to take a look in the mirror at their own motives and leave mine alone, because at least I'm honest with myself.

At some point, I left behind my big beefs with Christianity.  Granted, there are still things that irk me that seem to be present in the "religious faithful", as it were.  The sense of moral and spiritual superiority is one.  The propensity toward martyrdom is another.  I had the politicization and the Roman influence.  But...

My point of view, is that if it makes you happy... it can't be that bad (yes, it's a Sheryl Crow song.  It's also my point of view.  Cope.)  If you act like an asshole, that's your responsibility.  You don't get to blame it on a devil or a god or a bad day... you CAN, but it's still your responsibility.  Just apologize and go on with life.  Hell, I'm an asshole sometimes and I blame it on my meds or hormones... but those are also things that I could physically show to you.  I'm also STILL responsible for the times when I'm an asshole.  *shrugs*  I try not to excuse that too much, because even with meds and hormones, I still make my own decisions.  Sometimes, I need to be sorry for that.  And sometimes, the people who get the brunt of it REALLY have it coming.

Sometimes it's difficult to sort out the difference.

If you bludgeon people with your beliefs or insult OTHERS' beliefs, it doesn't matter what religion you're part of, you're an asshole.

And because our country is majority Christian, Christians get permission to be assholes more than most.  Comparable to racism, if you think about it.  Religionism.

But, Religionism goes both ways. 

*sigh*  I have a lot of thoughts on possibilities, but they're just possibilities.  If I have a "belief", it's that a lot more things are POSSIBLE than we might realize.  But otherwise?  I don't take things on faith.  I don't attribute things I can't otherwise explain to an invisible creator in the sky (WHATEVER name you want to give to it) that I've never seen, never heard,  And if you want to tell me that I have to do that or I'm going to burn for eternity, I'm going to tell you that your deity is kindof an asshole.

*shrug*  But it's just an opinion.

I can't tell anyone that I know how the universe came to be any more than anyone else can.  I don't know how old it is.  All I know is that the shit I see thrown around at the question itself is ATROCIOUS, on ALL sides.  

And I'm Pagan.  Why?

Because I like stories.  Because rituals and spells make me feel something and I don't have to give up my intellect for it.  Because I don't know for sure that anything is or isn't true.  Because it makes sense to me.  Because I don't mind being called a "sampler" or having my "religion" be called a "buffet line" (even if those terms are typically used with malice.  It's the malice that's rude.  Doesn't matter if the terms are true.)  Because there are things about every religion, even Christianity, that I can appreciate, and because I can't hold a religion responsible for the people who are part of it, but I STILL can't accept the doctrines of Christianity as ultimate truth.  *shrugs*  Just because I can't.

Because I suppose I don't really believe that anyone KNOWS the "ultimate truth".  

I believe that judging people is stupid.  I believe that loving people is very, very good.  I believe that it's important to pull your head out of your ass but that it's ALSO important to take care of yourself.  I believe that if people tell you that all of your problems are your own fault and that, thus, you can somehow fix them with some magical cure of "repentance", they're naive at best and abusing you at worst.  I believe that forgiveness is conditional, but love doesn't have to be.  I believe that relationships have to have boundaries but that no one can tell you precisely what those boundaries should be except for the other people in that relationship.  And you ought to smack anyone who tries.

I believe that I can forgive people for the asanine things that they do if they can admit that they were asanine, but if they're just going to blame ME for them, there's no point in trying to have a relationship.  And I believe that there are people who are allergic to personal responsibility and that no one will ever have healthy relationships with them until they can get over it.

I believe that I'm not perfect, and that no one should simply spread forgiveness over me for it, but that people ought to think three times before passing judgment on my decisions... because they don't know me as well as they think they do.  I believe they DO have a right to tell me when I've hurt them, but they DON'T have a right to yell at me that I've hurt them and then run away and talk about what a terrible person I am for my own mistakes.

And I believe that I should do the same for others.  And I believe in being patient with people when they have a problem.

I believe that the only actions I have a right to judge in other people are the manner in which they treat ME.

But I believe that it's very important to judge those actions when I'm chosing my friends.

I don't believe in Yahweh.  I think Yeshua may have existed but I don't think that he's some jealous, angry deity's son.  I believe that it's entirely possible that if he DID exist he was crazy... but that sometimes, crazy people have some really interesting things to say.  

*shrug*

I believe that those ideas will probably change in the coming years, but most likely, not by much.  

I believe in freedom, love, and possibility.

Love,
Crystal