Drama free FRIDAY.
Jun. 20th, 2008 09:51 amOkay, so I wouldn't say I'm being as drama free today as much as positive. I realized I skipped drama free Thursday yesterday, and while doing so, I read ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
popfiend's post about what drama-free Thursday really IS. And I smiled. ;)
The thing is, I DO know people who seem to be "allergic to negativity". They're people who say "I'm sick of drama" in such a judgmental tone that it makes me feel DRAMATICALLY IRRITATED. Now, don't get me wrong, some people are sick of drama following them, and I get that. I'M often sick of drama following ME. BUT, some of us are WAY too quick to be sick of OTHER people's drama, and that makes me sad. Because people don't necessarily control the drama that erupts in their world, and for those of us around them to say "I'm tired of drama" is like saying "I don't really care what you're going through, it's drama and I don't want any part of it. I really don't give a shit."
Now, the VAST MAJORITY of people in my world as it is now? Don't do that. People who USED to be a part of my world, did that a lot. So, I hope you can forgive me if I cringe a little when people hate on the drama-llama. ;)
But I got to thinking about that last night... you know, I REALLY do have a good group of people around me now. Granted, I haven't gotten NEARLY as close to people as I'd like to, or as I used to. I don't really have that many close friends anymore (two? Three if you count Chris?) and, at the moment, I hold people at arm's length just a bit. I don't think that that's unreasonable given some of the stuff I've been through, and I ALSO think that it WILL PASS. My heart needs some healing time and that's what it's getting. In the meantime, it DOES know how to love still. I'm giving it permission to rest a little.
But, I still notice the little things. Like, for example... I remember, it used to be that when I would post a blog about Weslee, or about being depressed, or about something really bad happening, I generally wouldn't get ANY response. Now... a few of the people who are still in my world were part of that crew, and I can say that (the REASON they're still in my world) they really DID care, they just couldn't think of anything to say, and that I understand. I don't know how much I can really say I LIKE it, but I understand. ;) Sometimes I don't have anything productive to say and I just keep my mouth shut. More often than not, I don't have anything productive to say and I DON'T, lol.
But, my point is, that those silences, around those "pour-your-heart-out" blogs, were always unnerving. It made me feel like I had friends, but only when I wasn't dealing with those things. Only when I wasn't hurting. Only when there wasn't any drama.
What good is a friend who's not there when you're hurting?
But the thing I noticed last night, is that the people in my world NOW, will almost always say SOMETHING. It could be nothing more than a *hug*, or something that isn't really terribly useful, or something that's even the OPPOSITE of useful... but the huge blessing is that they TRY. They're BRAVE enough to CARE enough to step out and say "I'm here." Even if all they say is "I'm here."
And hell, some of you even say things that are HELPFUL. ;) That's kinda wild. :)
I remember the story of Job in the Bible, and how at the beginning of the story, after all the shit had gone down but before the big whirlwind showed up, that Job was sitting in a pile of ashes and his friends sat down with them, and didn't say anything. Now, reading the rest of the story, I think that Job's buddies would have been a good deal more useful if they had just STAYED silent... but the fact is, they were THERE. I think that perhaps too many people misunderstand that idea, tho, and think that silence is the best option. The problem is, when you're dealing with, say, the interwebz... I can't TELL that you're there, unless you SAY SOMETHING.
SOMETHING, can be as simple as "hugs*
But I'm preaching to the choir, 'cause y'all DO that. And THAT is what's wonderful about my world now. THAT is what I've gained over the past year and a half to two years... one of the many things, anyway. And no, I didn't gain it because I left religion, I gained it because I opened up my heart and my mind. I gained it because I stopped giving the time of day to people who treated me like crap and started giving it to people who seemed like genuinely good people... who CARED about one another.
You don't care about people when you're not willing to let them complain and cry and bitch about wounds that are fifteen years old that they're still not (and never WILL be) over. You don't care about people if the only people you can care about are the ones who act strong and pretend like nothing's wrong when you're around, and if that's what you really appreciate about them. You don't care about people when you can hug them when they're having a bad day but not let them TALK about their bad day.
You don't care about people if you don't acknowledge the reasons they need caring in the first place. You're just pretending, at that point.
I've seen pretenders. I once had a world populated with them.
And today? My world is real.
Love,
Crystal
popfiend's post about what drama-free Thursday really IS. And I smiled. ;)The thing is, I DO know people who seem to be "allergic to negativity". They're people who say "I'm sick of drama" in such a judgmental tone that it makes me feel DRAMATICALLY IRRITATED. Now, don't get me wrong, some people are sick of drama following them, and I get that. I'M often sick of drama following ME. BUT, some of us are WAY too quick to be sick of OTHER people's drama, and that makes me sad. Because people don't necessarily control the drama that erupts in their world, and for those of us around them to say "I'm tired of drama" is like saying "I don't really care what you're going through, it's drama and I don't want any part of it. I really don't give a shit."
Now, the VAST MAJORITY of people in my world as it is now? Don't do that. People who USED to be a part of my world, did that a lot. So, I hope you can forgive me if I cringe a little when people hate on the drama-llama. ;)
But I got to thinking about that last night... you know, I REALLY do have a good group of people around me now. Granted, I haven't gotten NEARLY as close to people as I'd like to, or as I used to. I don't really have that many close friends anymore (two? Three if you count Chris?) and, at the moment, I hold people at arm's length just a bit. I don't think that that's unreasonable given some of the stuff I've been through, and I ALSO think that it WILL PASS. My heart needs some healing time and that's what it's getting. In the meantime, it DOES know how to love still. I'm giving it permission to rest a little.
But, I still notice the little things. Like, for example... I remember, it used to be that when I would post a blog about Weslee, or about being depressed, or about something really bad happening, I generally wouldn't get ANY response. Now... a few of the people who are still in my world were part of that crew, and I can say that (the REASON they're still in my world) they really DID care, they just couldn't think of anything to say, and that I understand. I don't know how much I can really say I LIKE it, but I understand. ;) Sometimes I don't have anything productive to say and I just keep my mouth shut. More often than not, I don't have anything productive to say and I DON'T, lol.
But, my point is, that those silences, around those "pour-your-heart-out" blogs, were always unnerving. It made me feel like I had friends, but only when I wasn't dealing with those things. Only when I wasn't hurting. Only when there wasn't any drama.
What good is a friend who's not there when you're hurting?
But the thing I noticed last night, is that the people in my world NOW, will almost always say SOMETHING. It could be nothing more than a *hug*, or something that isn't really terribly useful, or something that's even the OPPOSITE of useful... but the huge blessing is that they TRY. They're BRAVE enough to CARE enough to step out and say "I'm here." Even if all they say is "I'm here."
And hell, some of you even say things that are HELPFUL. ;) That's kinda wild. :)
I remember the story of Job in the Bible, and how at the beginning of the story, after all the shit had gone down but before the big whirlwind showed up, that Job was sitting in a pile of ashes and his friends sat down with them, and didn't say anything. Now, reading the rest of the story, I think that Job's buddies would have been a good deal more useful if they had just STAYED silent... but the fact is, they were THERE. I think that perhaps too many people misunderstand that idea, tho, and think that silence is the best option. The problem is, when you're dealing with, say, the interwebz... I can't TELL that you're there, unless you SAY SOMETHING.
SOMETHING, can be as simple as "hugs*
But I'm preaching to the choir, 'cause y'all DO that. And THAT is what's wonderful about my world now. THAT is what I've gained over the past year and a half to two years... one of the many things, anyway. And no, I didn't gain it because I left religion, I gained it because I opened up my heart and my mind. I gained it because I stopped giving the time of day to people who treated me like crap and started giving it to people who seemed like genuinely good people... who CARED about one another.
You don't care about people when you're not willing to let them complain and cry and bitch about wounds that are fifteen years old that they're still not (and never WILL be) over. You don't care about people if the only people you can care about are the ones who act strong and pretend like nothing's wrong when you're around, and if that's what you really appreciate about them. You don't care about people when you can hug them when they're having a bad day but not let them TALK about their bad day.
You don't care about people if you don't acknowledge the reasons they need caring in the first place. You're just pretending, at that point.
I've seen pretenders. I once had a world populated with them.
And today? My world is real.
Love,
Crystal
