Crys Rule number 347 - I DO NOT DO CONFRONTATION OVER EMAIL

Yeeees I've posed this before, but it was a private post, and this is public.

I DO NOT DO CONFRONTATION OVER EMAIL. Period. If you email me and your email sounds like you're upset with me or you have a problem with something I'm doing, I am GOING to call you. I don't want your letters. I want to hear the tone in your voice and your inflections. I want to have a real time conversation whereinwhich we can COMMUNICATE. I want doors open, and yes, I want to be able to HEAR you if you're going to lose your temper and go off on me.

I read a lot. I read BOOKS. Books are nice. Letters are nice too, but letters get very difficult to understand very QUICKLY. It's too easy to take people the wrong way. It's too difficult to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I'll talk about benefit of the doubt for a moment.

I dated a guy named Bil once. Bil was pretty much a mess, but one thing that Bil taught me that turned out to be a really good thing to learn was how to give people the benefit of the doubt. He always said, "Assume the best. Then if you turn out to be wrong, you can be upset about it later, but you don't have to be upset about when it doesn't require that. Saves you a lot of sadness." He was right about that (even if he was wrong about a hell of a lot of other things. ;) ) But instead of JUST assuming the best, I also have a tendency to try and confirm it if there are any questions on the matter.

I don't really get that back a lot, which tends to be tough to deal with. I'm... it gets really difficult for me to express myself. I don't know why, but I have trouble translating the concepts in my head to words outside of my mouth. It's why I write long long journal posts and long long emails and STILL manage to come across the wrong way. It has nothing to do with my ability or inability to write, or even speak. It has everything to do with me not being sure what words fit what's really in my mind.

Even THAT I'm having trouble explaining, but suffice it to say, I often NEED the benefit of the doubt.

And that's the problem. If you can't give me the benefit of the doubt, if you can't assume the best, and ESPECIALLY, if you can't ASK me when you think I may be saying something to hurt you, push your buttons, bait you, insult you, or make fun of you... then you can't have a relationship with me, period. Because that's not going to change about me... unfortunately it's a core part of who I am. It has a LOT to do with my memory problems. I'm gonna put my foot in my mouth. And unless you can figure out the whole grace thing... you're just going to stay pissed off at me.

And that's part of the reason I DON'T DO CONFRONTATION OVER EMAIL. It is TOO easy for people to take each other the wrong way, and it's too difficult to communicate. I try my best to be the sort of person that people feel they can be honest with, so that they don't feel like they NEED to do confrontation over email. YES, I can be a spit fire, but honestly, I won't bite you unless you're beating the shit out of me. I really wont'.

Now, if you're planning on coming around and beating the shit out of me, then yes, you're going to get bitten. And I figure that's fair. Because in my mind, the only good use for biting people, is to get them to quit beating the shit out of you. ;)

So, that's what I've got. *shrug* In my world, confrontation over email doesn't work out. Being DISHONEST with me doesn't work out either, so if you've got a problem you're hiding you'd better believe that when the time FINALLY comes for you to tell me, the longer you wait the more irked I'm going to be at you for waiting so long. But in the end... you're just torturing yourself.

'Cause I promise, I'm really a nice person. ;) I don't trust very easily, but I love very much. *shrug*

I guess I figure, what'd be the point in doing it any other way?

Love,
Crystal