and if the holidays aren't bad enough...

[crysthewolf]

Once again my dad's all worked up about my brother and i, because my brother and his wife (the ones who said they didn't want to be around me?) said they would be comfortable being in the same room with me at thanksgiving.  so dad tells me that if i am on my best behavior and tippy toe around any sensitive topics then everything should be fine.

i've BEEN on my best behavior.  I didn't do shit wrong and I'm sick of being blamed because my big brother and his wife decided that I was worthless and that they should call me names and be verbally abusive after however-many-years of NOT FUCKING KNOWING ME.

This is my fucked up family.  This is my crazy ass, fucked up family, and if my holiday season wasn't already like sliding naked on a razor blade into a pool of salt-water because every fucking year I have to relive the memory of being pregnant and looking forward to a new baby only to have him dead come Valentine's Day... it's just all that much MORE fun with them running around acting like jackasses.

and all I want, is for someone to just, fucking, make it stop.  I don't want to lose my job because I can't function enough to go into work.  I'm GOING into work tomorrow, because I LIKE my job and it takes my mind OFF of all of this shit... although don't be too surprised if I go email silent tomorrow.  If you need me your best bet is to text me, 'cause I'll most likely even disable email on my phone.  I'm SURE as hell disabling email on my phone on Thanksgiving weekend, and will have to do my best to resist checking on it at all.  If I weren't concerned with people being able to get ahold of me I'd just leave my phone at home.  Hell, if I still feel this shitty I might yet do just that.

If you leave me any comments telling me why it's my own fault that my brother and my mother put me in this place, i won't speak to you again. 

Broken,
Crystal
 

Comments

[mobobocita.livejournal.com]

Regardless of how guilty YOU feel or they make you feel.....YOU are not abandoning them. They made the choice to make you feel bad to take sides and to treat you this way.

THEY MADE THE CHOICE FIRST.

Opt for happy and healthy, it's better in the long run, won't keep you up at night and dude, you are already family over there, so really, aren't you just as expected there? :)