Fourteen Year Old Girls Are Having Sex

[crysthewolf]

And Tyra Banks is shocked.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27706917/

Really?  I mean, REALLY?   She's SHOCKED?  I'm sorry, are YOU shocked?  Because if so, you really need to wake up.  I know I was having sex at fourteen, and although I spent a lot of years feeling very ASHAMED of that, I've sinced learned that I was actually a pretty normal kid.

Are you surprised?  I was having sex at fourteen and I WAS NORMAL.

Breathe that in for a minute.  You don't have to like it, and you can worry that kids are too young to be doing it.  And you know what?  There's a degree to which you're very right.  With the way that we raise kids, with the way that we try to put them in a bubble, with the things we convince ourselves we're shielding them from... you're right.  Socially, they are WAY too young.  Physically?  Biologically?  Hormonally? 

Not a bit.

I'm not advocating going out and telling kids they should be having sex, but I am advocating a fucking wake-up call.  You think your kids aren't having sex.  Why?  Because you weren't?  Wait... you WERE?  Then where the fuck is your brain, sunshine?  Do you FORGET what it was like to be that age?  I'm not talking about peer pressure.  I'm talking about real, HEALTHY, physical and emotional drives.  I'm talking about the way that we're built. 

Get it through your tough nut, cookie... your kids are doing it.  And worse, they don't know what the fuck they're doing.  Because you want to live in a fantasy world and pretend they aren't.

When I say "talk to your kids about sex", I mean "Say something MORE than 'don't do it.'"  Teach them about safe sex.  Teach them about romance.  Teach them about self-esteem, and DON'T teach them that there's something WRONG with them if they want to have sex.  What the fuck is wrong with you?  Don't YOU want to have sex?  I know I do.  And there's not a damned thing wrong with ME.  ...Well, not for that, anyway. ;)  Teach them that they don't HAVE to be doing it, but if they WANT to do it... there are ways to do it without contracting a disease or getting pregnant. Teach them why sixteen isn't a good age to GET pregnant.  And if you find out that they want to get pregnant so that there will always be someone there who loves them?  Don't just explain to them why that isn't a good reason to have a baby... work with them to find out why they feel they NEED someone to love them, and and to find other, healthy ways to feel the love they're lacking.

I guarantee you, you'll prevent more teen pregnancies and STD's that way.

Fourteen-year-old girls are having sex.  The problem is, fourteen-year-old girls don't feel comfortable walking into a drug store and buying condoms.

Love,

Crystal

Comments

Re: I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this article:

[mycybertuffet.livejournal.com]

A couple of things interested me. The first was that the average age of virginity loss was significantly higher amongst some religious groups than others, with Jews being the oldest, and that people from more liberal areas, who didn't have abstinence-only education, also tend to lose their virginity later. My questions are: A) why is that the case for those particular groups?, and B) is the notion that kids should wait till they're a little older to have sex fundamentally negative and harmful? I ask because, to be honest, I feel pretty squeamish about the idea of fourteen year olds having sex, while you pretty much regard it as an inevitability. Do you think it's possible to create an atmosphere in which kids wait a little longer to have sex, and if so, is it a valuable effort?

Another thing I wanted to run by you was Aaron's reaction when I told him about the article. He actually got pretty irritated that blue types tend to view teenage mothers as, in the words of the article, a "tragedy." He said that at least evangelicals (if not in your case, then nevertheless in a lot of cases, if both Bristol Palin and Aaron's observations in high school are anything to go by), are much more supportive of teenage mothers because they view each child as a "blessing," whereas liberals tend to simply write a teenager off if she becomes a mother. They don't view sex as a moral failing, but they do judge someone for getting pregnant (and keeping the baby), whereas in the evangelical community they'll judge the sex but view a resulting baby as a blessing. I had to admit I'd never really thought about it like that. In my high school, there wasn't a single girl I knew of who got pregnant (at least who had the baby - my guess is there were a few abortions on the DL). And growing up how I did, I never questioned the whole "having a baby when you're in high school is the worst ever thing that can possibly happen to you" trope. I was wondering what you thought about that?

Re: I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this article:

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Well, the thing is, I don't view it as an inevidibility that teens are going to have sex. What I DO view as an inevidibility, is that teens are going to make their own decisions. There is no way to make sure that they don't have sex until they're older, but what parents CAN do, I think, is talk to their kids about sex in a positive way. From the other comments I've seen on my entry here, the people who's parents were open with them and who related to them personally and encouraged them to respect themselves and their bodies and make well-thought-out decisions... waited until they were older to have sex. It's not a DEFINITE, but I think that if parents are willing to respect their kids as PEOPLE and teach them, by example and by direct instruction, to make good decisions... they'll generally do that.

As to Aaron's comments, that's an interesting take, and definitely a more sympathetic view to the evangelical church than I have. However, I don't think that liberals are "writing off teen mothers" who decide to keep their children. I think that liberals regard teen pregancy as a tragedy because teenagers who get pregnant and keep their children are less likely to finish high school, less likely to pursue higher education, and less likely to be financially independant, happy, healthy, and self-assured as adults. This is not ALWAYS the case, but many teenage girls who are getting pregnant do not have the adult support systems in place to keep them from dropping out of school and generally feeling shitty about themselves. Teen mothers are more likely to abuse or abandon their babies than adult mothers. There are some significantly beautiful stories of teen mothers who HAVE kept their children and raised them with the support of loving adults in their lives... but those tales are few and far between.

As far as evangelicals viewing a resulting baby as a blessing... erm, they do and they don't. The fact that they're pushing these kids into marriages or into giving up their babies for adoption in many cases kindof suggests that they view the babies as a burden more than a blessing. I don't know about by and large, but in my PERSONAL experience... although I wasn't a teenager, my pregnancy itself was regarded as a result of sin and I was encouraged to put as much distance between myself and that "sin" as possible, which included giving my son up for adoption. The idea was that yes, my baby was a blessing... but not for me, because I sinned.

Re: I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this article:

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

also no, I don't think that the notion that kids might be better off waiting until they're older to have sex is fundamentally harmful. I DO think that it's harmful to decide that being under 18 makes a person, by default, not ready for sex. Generalizations are always bad. ;) j/k but seriously, I tend to think that before a person decides whether or not they think their kid would be ready to have sex by the time they were fourteen... they should have their kid, and then get to know their kid. Some kids are ready for sex at that age, some aren't.

The bit about different religious groups having different numbers is interesting and I'd have to look into that. My thought is that it has more to do with the cultural aspect of religion than anything... particularly in the case of Judaism, but I'd have to give that some more thought.