Fourteen Year Old Girls Are Having Sex

[crysthewolf]

And Tyra Banks is shocked.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27706917/

Really?  I mean, REALLY?   She's SHOCKED?  I'm sorry, are YOU shocked?  Because if so, you really need to wake up.  I know I was having sex at fourteen, and although I spent a lot of years feeling very ASHAMED of that, I've sinced learned that I was actually a pretty normal kid.

Are you surprised?  I was having sex at fourteen and I WAS NORMAL.

Breathe that in for a minute.  You don't have to like it, and you can worry that kids are too young to be doing it.  And you know what?  There's a degree to which you're very right.  With the way that we raise kids, with the way that we try to put them in a bubble, with the things we convince ourselves we're shielding them from... you're right.  Socially, they are WAY too young.  Physically?  Biologically?  Hormonally? 

Not a bit.

I'm not advocating going out and telling kids they should be having sex, but I am advocating a fucking wake-up call.  You think your kids aren't having sex.  Why?  Because you weren't?  Wait... you WERE?  Then where the fuck is your brain, sunshine?  Do you FORGET what it was like to be that age?  I'm not talking about peer pressure.  I'm talking about real, HEALTHY, physical and emotional drives.  I'm talking about the way that we're built. 

Get it through your tough nut, cookie... your kids are doing it.  And worse, they don't know what the fuck they're doing.  Because you want to live in a fantasy world and pretend they aren't.

When I say "talk to your kids about sex", I mean "Say something MORE than 'don't do it.'"  Teach them about safe sex.  Teach them about romance.  Teach them about self-esteem, and DON'T teach them that there's something WRONG with them if they want to have sex.  What the fuck is wrong with you?  Don't YOU want to have sex?  I know I do.  And there's not a damned thing wrong with ME.  ...Well, not for that, anyway. ;)  Teach them that they don't HAVE to be doing it, but if they WANT to do it... there are ways to do it without contracting a disease or getting pregnant. Teach them why sixteen isn't a good age to GET pregnant.  And if you find out that they want to get pregnant so that there will always be someone there who loves them?  Don't just explain to them why that isn't a good reason to have a baby... work with them to find out why they feel they NEED someone to love them, and and to find other, healthy ways to feel the love they're lacking.

I guarantee you, you'll prevent more teen pregnancies and STD's that way.

Fourteen-year-old girls are having sex.  The problem is, fourteen-year-old girls don't feel comfortable walking into a drug store and buying condoms.

Love,

Crystal

Comments

[echoweaver.livejournal.com]

Well said. Too bad this wasn't an LJ-Idol entry :).

And fourteen-year-old girls haven't necessarily thought through the consequences at all.

I've thought about what I would say to a child of mine. "Don't do it" would be incredibly hypocritical. I started having sex at 17, and I think that was a perfect age. Before, that I *thought* I was saving myself for marriage. When I grew up enough to realize that wasn't really what I wanted, I thought long and hard about what I DID want from my first sexual experience. I chose carefully to get what I wanted, and you know what? It was a great experience, and the guy is still one of my closest friends. AND we were both mature enough to know better than to take foolish risks about disease or pregnancy. That was the first step down a sexual path for me that I think has been responsible, fun, and life affirming.

I'd love a child of mine to have such a great story. I think most people don't. Usually, it was a mistake or painful or s/he got their heart broken. OR she ended up pregnant, or s/he got a disease. Or whatever.

But how do you say to your fourteen-year-old: "Sex can be as good as you make it. Figure out what you want and don't settle for less. It's OK to wait just as long as it takes to get what you want, but when you know you have it, go for it. And be responsible."

Or maybe you CAN say that. Would you have dug that at fourteen? Would it have been creepy to hear that from your mother?

[crysthewolf.livejournal.com]

well, from MY mother... I would have thought she'd gotten taken over by a pod-person, LOL. But, I think if you cultivate a general atmosphere of honesty and respect, that's what you'll get. Your kid's going to have their own personality, by all means, but your kid is also a human being, that wants the same kinds of stuff that a lot of other human beings want. No, they're not "miniature grown-ups" and we shouldn't treat them like that, but we shouldn't treat them like they don't know anything, either.

In short, yes, I do think that that's the kind of thing that you can tell a fourteen-year-old.