An Inspired Rant.

[crysthewolf]

I was reading solstice_singer's LJ Idol entry and it got me thinking. This was my response:

I don't get why people are such socially inept morons. I hate the assumption that because you have a visible "impairment" (no pun intended) they can and should force their self-perceived "help" on you. I mean, it's one thing to not "know the rules" as it were. We all get that with each other, no matter what handicaps or even QUIRKS we might have, and we all trip sometimes or make mistakes. But to bluntly and stupidly push yourself on someone and take charge of "helping" or "fixing" them without even TAKING THE TIME to get to know what they actually NEED?

It's a bunch of crap. And we all experience it in different ways, which makes it even more a bunch of crap.

And there's my rant. ;)

And the realization hit me that we really DO all go through this from time to time.  I've experienced it in regards to my depression, anxiety, and even weight loss.  It's not that we don't appreciate a little help.  The problem is, when people DON'T take the time to get to know you and find out what kind of help you REALLY need, and DO assume that they can read you WITHOUT knowing you and DO assume that they DO know what you need, and THEN FORCE it on you...

It does more harm than good.

I'm not talking about friends who offer humble advice because they know you well.  I offer advice.  But I tend to preface it with "I'm not sure here, but if this were me, I think I might..." because I DON'T know.  I DON'T know what's best for you.  I'm not you.  I get a lot of advice and thoughts from friends who DO know me, that I appreciate.  And sometimes I get forceful opinionated feather-fluffing from folk who, although they may be (somewhere in there) well-meaning, don't know me.

Think about that the next time you decide that you know what's best for someone else and what they need, and decide to "help" without asking them HOW you can help.  Granted, sometimes you ask how and they don't know, and then you have to guess.  But guess with HUMILITY.  Guess with the realization that your guess might be wrong, and hope that they have the grace to forgive you and realize that you were trying.

But be actually trying.  Don't just be appeasing your ego.

Love,

Crystal

Comments

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

This is *SO* true... people just assume, that when they find out I am deafblind, I am incapable of doing anything, and won't let me try or really find out what I need... UGH!