crysthewolf

So I’m supposed to party with my little brother and his fiance on Friday. Because my little brother tends to be honest with me (he knows I want him to) and because he was concerned about the “truth serum” that is alcohol to our family milking it out of him, he told Chris something that he knew but hadn’t talked to me about yet.

So I’ve written about the affair between my mother and my father. And I’ve written that someone sent a letter to my step-mother and my brothers outing the two of them. I didn’t mention (simply because I didn’t think to) that I had sent my step-sister a Facebook message telling her I’d gotten a letter in the mail about her mother that said it was sent to her as well, and I wanted to know if her mother was ok.

I never heard anything back from my step-sister, and honestly thought that perhaps she hadn’t gotten my note, until my little brother told Chris that my father (heretofore referred to as “Bill”, because he doesn’t deserve the title “father” or “dad” anymore) called my mother and told her that Denise had gotten a message from me and that because of it she and her Mom had decided that I had made the whole thing up and that the affair didn’t happen.

I was pissed. Apparently more pissed than Cory and Chris thought I would get, because they didn’t foresee me sending a text to my mother in regards to it.

At which point she immediately called me and told me that she had no idea what I was talking about, and that my little brother had made the whole thing up. She told me that she was never doing anything for him and his fiance again, because they made up this story just to get me mad at her because she wouldn’t do something for them in their time. She said that ALL she told my little brother, Cory, was that Bill mentioned that I’d written to my step-sister and she wasn’t sure why because I’d never written to her before.

So I was up until Midnight last night talking between the two of them trying to get SOME inkling of which one of them was telling me the truth. I’d never known my mother to lie to me, but I’d never known my brother to lie to me either, so I called both of them trying to figure out what I should believe. My Mother kept telling me that she didn’t know why Cory was doing this to her, that it must be just to spite her, and that she was so angry with him, and that it was terrible that he would say something like that and mess with MY head and screw ME all up just to get back at her.

Except, she was full of shit.

How do I KNOW she was full of shit?

Because she came clean to me today.

She WANTED to wait until Wednesday, when she was planning to come over to take Chris and I out to dinner. But I wrote an email to both her and Cory saying that if one of them didn’t tell me the truth by tomorrow I was going to call my step-sister myself and find out. So she begged me to let her call me, and finally instead I called HER. She told me she couldn’t stand the guilt anymore, but that she had lied to me because she was afraid I’d be mad at her and that I’d tell my father that she’d told Cory this.

She kept apologizing. She kept saying “I know but I’m SORRY!” And part of me is tempted to say “Ok, you know what? Fine. Everybody gets one.”

But this isn’t just one.

I don’t have any reason to trust her. I don’t trust her judgment (because she’s still talking to Bill and still sitting around waiting for him to come back to her, AND because she’s shown me that when it comes to Bill she is willing to sacrifice her own children), and because she lied to me in such a way as to make me doubt my little brother’s character. And if she’s willing to do that to my little brother, what’s she willing to do to me? To my fiance? To anyone I might care about in my life?

I don’t hate her. Part of me actually feels sorry for her. But the rest of me feels that she’s a toxic, dangerous person, particularly when she’s glommed onto a manipulative, lying, abusive person like this man who’s genes I unfortunately share (but, thankfully, who’s morals I do not.) They both go on and on about God and Jesus and how sad it is that I’m not a Christian.

I think it’s sad that I’m an orphan.

–Crystal

PS-yes I got the job, yes I started today, yes, aside from this shit and being sleepy, it was a good thing and it looks like it’s going to work out well. I will blog more on that tomorrow. Right now I need to dry my hair and go to bed.

Joshua Fry was a Marine Corp recruit.

He’s also Autistic.

I’m not against Autistic people in the military.  Actually, I AM VEHEMENTLY against keeping people from opportunities because of Autism… unless that Autism is so severe that impedes their abillity to make important decisions.  And whether or not that is true is not for me to decide.  Or a recruiter.

But in this circumstance, someone had ALREADY decided that Mr. Fry was not able to make decisions for himself.

“When he was 18, his grandmother went to court to become Fry’s legal conservator. Under the conservatorship, Fry is prohibited from signing contracts without his grandmother’s approval.

Mary Beth Fry said that she told the recruiter her grandson needed her approval to enlist, but that he ignored her.”

So a court of law ALREADY decided that Mr. Fry had to have his grandmother’s approval before enlisting in the military, but the recruiter in question took it upon himself to IGNORE that in order to enlist him, and now JOSHUA’S in the brig?

But wait, there’s more:

“A 35-page motion filed by Fry’s lawyer details a troubled childhood: parents who were drug addicts, an evaluation of autism at age 8, multiple stays in foster homes, behavior problems at Newport Harbor High School, an arrest for stealing iPods and a court-ordered stay at a facility for psychologically disturbed youth that lasted 15 months.

Mary Beth Fry said she was unaware that the recruiter contacted her grandson while he was living in the Irvine group home. “A lot of things went on that I didn’t know about when he was in Irvine,” she said. He enlisted in January 2008.

Fry’s lawyer, Michael Studenka, sought to have the charges dismissed and Fry discharged on the grounds that he should not have been allowed to enlist because he cannot legally sign contracts. A Marine judge rejected that motion.”

So we’ve got a kid who is already troubled, whom a civilian court has already ruled is incapable of signing contracts without his grandmother’s approval, and who’s recruiter VIOLATED that law (would one say he BROKE it) and thus ENLISTED Joshua in the military, ILLEGALLY… but now Joshua’s being tried for dessertion of a post that he was enlisted to inappropriately in the first place?

He was in possession of child pornography. I am on the fence about that issue, but yes, I do think that he should be accountable for that. But dessertion? No, definitely not. And his recruiter needs to be held accountable, and the military itself needs to be held accountable.

The kid was in a group home… he was that unable to take care of himself. And they enlisted him in the military.

No, I am not for keeping Autistic people from their dreams. But when people who know better than I do and analyze the situation professionally decide that those dreams may cause them more harm than good, I AM against the military taking advantage of Autistic people’s weaknesses.

So what do you think?  Am I cutting Josh too much slack, should he be held accountable for trying to leave the military after he had enlisted?  Or does his condition exempt him?  Do you feel like he should have to take more responsibility for his action, or do you feel like he’s not responsible, and why?

–Crystal

Originally published at Weird. You can comment here or there.

Yeah, we got little love for this dude  ’round here.  Am I wrong in saying he’s pretty much the perpetuator of the misconception that “Autistic people don’t have feelings”???

At any rate, Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg  lays out a fantastic critique of  the aboved mentioned theory, from the point of view of Autistic folk.  And no, she doesn’t speak for EVERY SINGLE AUTISTIC PERSON EVERYWHERE, but the lady makes some dayamned good points.

As usual.

http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/2009/07/07/a-critique-of-the-empathizing-systemizing-e-s-theory/

My favorite part is:

2. Because we lack a proper ToM, we have trouble knowing when we are hurting someone’s feelings.

From my contact with autistic people, it’s clear to me that our empathy leads many of us to constantly question the impact of our words. While I am far from perfect, choosing my words carefully may very well rank as one of my Aspie obsessions. However, the professor believes that “the typical 9-year-old can figure out what might hurt another’s feelings and what might therefore be better left unspoken. Children with Asperger syndrome are delayed by around 3 years in this skill.” (Baron-Cohen, 69)

Choosing my words carefully, so as not to give offense, I wish to say to the professor: “Simon, my friend. (May I call you Simon? I’m not sure, since I can’t read your mind.) You say that autistic people can’t properly put themselves into the shoes of another person. Let me respond as gently as I can: Those words were much, much better left unspoken. They hurt me. And when other people believe what you’re saying, your words cause autistic people no end of trouble. So, the next time you feel tempted to say such things, turn off your computer and have a good meal. You’ll feel better.”

ROFL! *dies*

–Crystal

Originally published at Weird. You can comment here or there.

indyellen

Much love,

Crystal

Let’s be real.

I’ll forgive most things if I’m given an apology. To me, all an apology means is that you know you did something unacceptable or hurtful and you’re going to try not to do it again. Too many people refuse to apologize even though they know they’ve done something wrong, because they’re too proud. I don’t smack people in the face with their apologies… I take them and move on, or I don’t.

There are several kinds of apologies that I won’t accept. Some of them show you immediately that they’re insincere. One of my older brothers got very verbally abusive with me several months ago, and then wrote an “I’m sorry” on my blog. Unfortunately, it was in the form of an “I’m sorry that you’re stupid and you don’t get this and that you think that I’m being hurtful” apology, and then he followed it up with some more verbal abuse.

I refused his apology. I have the freedom to do that, you see, as the offended party.

There are other kinds of apologies that I won’t take. When I say that an apology is “insincere” and that “you don’t mean it”, I don’t mean that you don’t have any emotion in your apology. I mean that your apology is useless because you have no intentions of backing it up with any actions. You may realize that what you did was wrong (you may not. You may just be apologizing so that you can get whatever privelidges back that you lost), but you have no intention of attempting to not do it again.

People have patterns. When people have a record, with you and with others, of “apologizing” and then never making any moves to recompense, and then later turning around and do the thing again, their apologies become worthless. As my mother used to say, “You can be as sorry as you want to, but don’t do it again.” I don’t need apologies, I need to know folk aren’t gonna fuck me over. Without that, “I’m sorry” is nothing but empty words, and blubbering on about what a terrible person you is nothing but a self-pitying plea for someone to disagree.

You can say I’m sorry from here ’till the end of time, and if you just keep doing the same shit over again, none of it matters.

And that’s why I don’t take all apologies. It’s reasonable, if you think about it. You fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

Well, fool me twice and you’re likely to get a slew of phone calls, emails, and blog entries telling you what a fucking asshole you are.

But you also won’t win my friendship back with an empty, meaningless apology.

Or anyone else’s.

–Crystal

Originally published at Crystal's World. Please feel free to comment here or there.

But I wanted to give her a chance.  I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.  And I loved her.  And I took her for who she was.  And I accepted her as she was.

And she spit in my face, spurned my friendship, tried to get my other friends to spurn my friendship, and tried to get me kicked out and dumped.

I should have listened.

And in the future, I will.

May that be a lesson.

--Crystal
 

Originally published at Crystal's World. Please feel free to comment here or there.