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I'm doing a bit better today. I got up and made several phone calls. I am officially in contact with four temp agencies, have sent them my resume and followed up on each with a phone call. I have numbers and names and email addresses for recruiters.
After I did all of that, I started to do some job searching... and then out of nowhere all of my energy completely drained. I don't know if everything suddenly slammed into me or what, but I couldn't do anything but go to bed. So I did that for a couple of hours.
I woke up when Chris came over and we went and grabbed lunch and then I came back home and finished up some testing that Aerotek had sent me. My recruiter there called me and said that he's got a couple of positions that he's going to try to get me in for, so I will give him a call back on that on Monday. *crosses fingers*
So I feel like I've accomplished a bit this week. I also kinda feel like the engine of a train that's been chugging along and picking up more and more cars and then all of the sudden gets stopped by something on the tracks and all of the cars bump up together and topple onto it like in a cartoon. Yesterday sometime I just suddenly got slammed with all the crap I've gone through over the past couple of years. =P I really HATE it when that happens, but I also think it's my own fault. I really never stopped to deal with all of it. I tried to do it while I was doing everything else. Hell, when I was at the Clerk's Office, I was able to ignore most of it for my job. So, now it's all catching up. It feels like things had been starting to really look up, but it's also difficult not to just be waiting for the other shoe to drop. And granted, a shoe dropped, I think, with this whole job loss thing... but I think that that's not quite a catastrophe yet, and I'm worried and waiting for it to be because of all of the OTHER times I've gotten hit with complete catastrophes.
I don't know why it happens, but it does... sometimes, in my life, everything just... falls apart. I think that's part of why I stopped believing in an omnipotent God. Because if there's someone up there, and he's got a plan, and all of the shit that's fallen on my head is a part of it? And if the fact that I seem to CONTINUOUSLY slam into walls is part of it? Then the guy is a rat bastard. And yes, I've been told a million times about "consequences of my own actions", but I find that to be bullshit too. Yes, there are definitely times when shit hits the fan in my world that I have a lot of responsibility for it. There are ALSO a TON of times when it happens that I was busting my ass and still ended up at the bottom of the barrel.
And there are an awful lot of times I see other people fuck around and act like jackasses and everything works out just fine for them. So I don't know that I really buy completely into the idea that you get out of the universe what you put into it. I think a hell of a lot of it is just chance, and we do the best we can and try not to beat ourselves up too badly when it goes wrong, 'cause there's too much shit that we don't control (even when we DO manage to bullshit ourselves into thinking that if we just try hard enough, we can make everything work.)
But if there's someone pulling strings and poking stuff and the bastard sees all the people in the world who just need a fucking break and IGNORES them for the assholes who DO get life handed to them on a silver platter? THAT guy can kiss my ass.
So I don't believe in him, because I just don't buy it. Yes, sometimes things work out in such a way that it seems like providence. I can't explain that, and maybe there IS someone out there who has some pull and is able to nudge things this way or that. But I don't think whoever or whatever it is is in charge of EVERYTHING. Or CONSCIOUS of everything. Maybe it's just a big sleeping elephant and once in a while when you pet it just right it wakes up and does something nice for you, and then goes back to sleep and lets the world go to hell.
Who knows.
Love,
Crystal
After I did all of that, I started to do some job searching... and then out of nowhere all of my energy completely drained. I don't know if everything suddenly slammed into me or what, but I couldn't do anything but go to bed. So I did that for a couple of hours.
I woke up when Chris came over and we went and grabbed lunch and then I came back home and finished up some testing that Aerotek had sent me. My recruiter there called me and said that he's got a couple of positions that he's going to try to get me in for, so I will give him a call back on that on Monday. *crosses fingers*
So I feel like I've accomplished a bit this week. I also kinda feel like the engine of a train that's been chugging along and picking up more and more cars and then all of the sudden gets stopped by something on the tracks and all of the cars bump up together and topple onto it like in a cartoon. Yesterday sometime I just suddenly got slammed with all the crap I've gone through over the past couple of years. =P I really HATE it when that happens, but I also think it's my own fault. I really never stopped to deal with all of it. I tried to do it while I was doing everything else. Hell, when I was at the Clerk's Office, I was able to ignore most of it for my job. So, now it's all catching up. It feels like things had been starting to really look up, but it's also difficult not to just be waiting for the other shoe to drop. And granted, a shoe dropped, I think, with this whole job loss thing... but I think that that's not quite a catastrophe yet, and I'm worried and waiting for it to be because of all of the OTHER times I've gotten hit with complete catastrophes.
I don't know why it happens, but it does... sometimes, in my life, everything just... falls apart. I think that's part of why I stopped believing in an omnipotent God. Because if there's someone up there, and he's got a plan, and all of the shit that's fallen on my head is a part of it? And if the fact that I seem to CONTINUOUSLY slam into walls is part of it? Then the guy is a rat bastard. And yes, I've been told a million times about "consequences of my own actions", but I find that to be bullshit too. Yes, there are definitely times when shit hits the fan in my world that I have a lot of responsibility for it. There are ALSO a TON of times when it happens that I was busting my ass and still ended up at the bottom of the barrel.
And there are an awful lot of times I see other people fuck around and act like jackasses and everything works out just fine for them. So I don't know that I really buy completely into the idea that you get out of the universe what you put into it. I think a hell of a lot of it is just chance, and we do the best we can and try not to beat ourselves up too badly when it goes wrong, 'cause there's too much shit that we don't control (even when we DO manage to bullshit ourselves into thinking that if we just try hard enough, we can make everything work.)
But if there's someone pulling strings and poking stuff and the bastard sees all the people in the world who just need a fucking break and IGNORES them for the assholes who DO get life handed to them on a silver platter? THAT guy can kiss my ass.
So I don't believe in him, because I just don't buy it. Yes, sometimes things work out in such a way that it seems like providence. I can't explain that, and maybe there IS someone out there who has some pull and is able to nudge things this way or that. But I don't think whoever or whatever it is is in charge of EVERYTHING. Or CONSCIOUS of everything. Maybe it's just a big sleeping elephant and once in a while when you pet it just right it wakes up and does something nice for you, and then goes back to sleep and lets the world go to hell.
Who knows.
Love,
Crystal
