Disrespect

I learned something about myself this weekend.

I learned, that I'm not really that jealous a person.  I had thought I was, but when I got to thinking about it, I realized that I feel pretty secure about myself and my relationship with Chris.  I trust him.  I don't worry about him cheating on me, lying to me, or breaking my trust.  *shrugs*  I don't worry about some other woman "winning" him.  Grown up relationships don't work that way.

What DOES bother me, tho, is when I feel disrespected by another woman.

Chris has a lot of FANTASTIC women in his orbit, and so this happens very, VERY rarely.  99% of the women in Chris's life love him and want to see him happy.  But I realized, this weekend, that I'm dating a very kind, polite man... and sometimes, that means that he's going to be nice to idiots.

I realized that I'm fine with the majority of the women I know flirting with my boyfriend (well, hell, at least half of them flirt with ME too.  Usually at the same TIME. ;) )  I'm fine with that because I KNOW them.  I KNOW they respect me, my relationship, and most of all, Chris.  

The thing is, I know that my boyfriend has slept with other women.  That really doesn't bother me... I mean, welcome to the real world, right?  But I suppose what I don't like is when a woman who's JUST met me, who doesn't even know whether my boyfriend has TOLD me they've been together like that, has NO idea what our relationship is like or how secure I am or am not... decides to start talking to ME about how SHE'S slept with my boyfriend.  

I mean, excuse me?  Is there something miswired in your head?

I don't think of myself as insecure.  Hell, I rendered a friend of mine speachless this weekend with my level of comfort with HER past relationship with Chris. ;)  But, again, I don't like being disrespected.  And I feel like, when a woman who's had a relationship with my boyfriend BEFORE, feels the need to shove that in my face without even knowing me?  I'm being disrespected.

Doubly so when she decides to hang off of him when I'm not in the room.

I don't like that shit.  I don't feel threatened, I don't feel distrusting of Chris, I don't worry that he's going to "accidentally" have sex with someone else.  I don't get concerned that someone is going to seduce him somehow (I'm sorry, but I don't buy into the bullshit of "Men don't have self-control."  I'm not an idiot.)  What I get, is pissed off.  

Because it's not just disrespecting ME.  To me, you can't call yourself someone's FRIEND... and then do shit to fuck with the relationship that he's in.  THAT is what gets to me.

So, I learned this about myself this weekend.  Every woman in Chris's life that I know moderately well, I trust implicitly.  I might not know a whole lot about them, nor they me, but I know that they care about Chris and want him to be happy, and that makes me happy.  And I trust Chris implicitly as well.  I am not, as I previously thought, the crazy jealous girlfriend.

But I'm a bit protective.  And there are a couple of women in his orbit that, because of that, I kinda wanna punch a little bit right now.

Love,
Crystal

Tired.

Incon had its ups and downs, but I think the convention itself actually went quite well (the ups and downs were more personal and less... um... convention...al.)  But I'm tired as hell today and, thusly, slightly bitchy.

I think I'll probably go home tonight and go straight to bed... do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars. ;)

Love,
Crystal