Praying to Loki

It's a concept that Chris came up with, honestly... the whole idea that if there's anyone in charge, they're probably more interested in perpetuating a bit of chaos and having a good time than anything like a grand plan.

Makes enough sense to me.

Y'see, I can't really accept the concept of a sovereign creator who's supposed to be a loving parent figure but plays favorites... the Yahweh-God figure that I've grown up with and then worshipped for the past eight years. From everything I've read in the Bible, though, he definitely does... and from what I've experienced in my own life, if he does exist, then I'm certainly not one of them.

So I don't buy it, for that, and for a million other reasons. Not even MOSTLY for that. But it came to mind today.

'Cause I got about half of what I thought I was going to get from the government stimulus program. Since I'd already set up a payment plan to pay off an old cell phone bill before it landed on my credit report thinking that I'd be covered, after I did the math I realized that that'd leave me with about $12 after everything. *sigh* That'd be, what, $6 for gas and $6 for groceries?

Chris's loans came through so he offered to help out... but I found out today that I might not need it.

I called my new boss, to find out about parking and about when they do checks. Turns out, their secretaries (which consist of me and a really friendly pregnant lady named Brandy. ;) ) get paid every Friday... which means I'll be paid for two days of work there this Friday. On top of that pay, though, I'll also have my check for last week and the week before (they roll over) from the Clerk's Office.

Which will leave me with a lot more than $12.

I might still have to borrow a little, but probably not NEARLY as much, and I won't have to wait a full two weeks to pay it back, which is a relief (I hate borrowing in the first place. =P )

But it got me, I guess. Sometimes the Universe fucks us over, and sometimes it helps us out. Is it nothing but randomness? Maybe, but sometimes things pull through in such a "lucky" way that it has to make you wonder.

And hell, sometimes they pull through in such an UNLUCKY way that it has to make you wonder.

It has to make you wonder, sometimes, if you aren't praying to Loki.

I believe in gods and goddesses and I don't. I have a hunch, that they might exist, but they certainly didn't create the universe. I've got this whole theory about collective unconscious and the power of the human mind and energy and all of that rap, but I won't go into it now. The point is, I think we make the gods. And I think that they reflect us. In a way, I think that they ARE us.

So I think we made, and make, Loki, and maybe even Yahweh and Thor and Gaea and brother sun and sister moon and everyone else.

Do we make our own luck or is it bigger than us? Maybe both. I dunno.

But today, I'd have to say I agree with Chris. I think sometimes, when we're praying... we're praying to Loki. Hey, do you want a god who plays favorites and hates you, or one who doesn't have all that much interest in you but pushes some good luck your way every once in a while?

All I know is that I've got a good job now that I worked hard and feel like I kinda earned, I'm beginning to clean up my credit, and that the universe pulled through a little bit for me this week. Maybe it's not Loki, maybe it's something or someone else. Maybe "god helps those who help themselves". *shrug* Maybe it's fate?

Maybe it doesn't matter. ;)

Love,
Crystal

Speak Up.

Go check out Elana's blog for today and follow her links to make your voice heard.

The silence has gone on long enough... it's a small thing, but hell, it's something.

Reduce the hate.

Love,
Crystal