![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So I did a slightly lower impact workout this morning... focused on my legs. I was both surprised and displeased with how out of touch I've become with my body. My legs! My legs and I used to be FRIENDS. Now? We've lost touch with one another.
I'm glad to be putting us back in touch. ;) I want to get to know my body again. I think bellydance is a great way to do that, too. I don't know if any of you REAL bellydancers out there are with me on this, but it's one of those forms of movement that gets you incredibly intimate with the body parts you don't always want to admit are there. ;) For some reason, that amuses the hell out of me. But, I also think that it's a very good thing. You know me... I'm all about people accepting themselves.
'Cause see, the thing is... I am beginning to think that I got out of touch with my body because I began to hate it as it gained weight. I didn't pay attention to it because as far as I was concerned... it was betraying me a little. So I just kept shoving pills down its throat trying to make it behave when really... I should have just been embracing it. You can't change until you can accept yourself as is. I'm not talking about complacency, either. I'm talking about true, honest, loving acceptance. And then, when you see those parts of you that are destructive? Look at those things, move those things, change those things, BECAUSE you love you and accept you, and you love and accept THEM, too. You know why they're there, you know if it's time for them to go. Not because someone tells you that you should, not because you think people don't like you... but because YOU, love and accept YOU. And other people do too, and will... and sometimes they won't. But you are who's most important here.
So, I'm learning to love my body again... both in a tough-love kind of way, and in a slightly gentler sense too. With my family history, I want to begin to take care of her a little better. I don't really want to face all of the problems that my Mom and Dad have faced.
I also, however, do not want to be skinny.
Yep, you read that right. And no, I'm not criticizing skinny girls. Frankly, some of you are built that way and I think you're beautiful. I also think you should quit trying to be MORE skinny. If you feel good where you are, if you are able to do the things that you would like to do (and NOT the things that you "think you should be able" to do. There's a difference, Georgia. =P ), then just learn to love yourself. If you've not got heart problems or diabetes, don't be a diet nazi. Live a little.
And for gods' sake, drop the term "tone up". At least you women. If you are feeling well, if you aren't REALLY overweight, then learn to love a little extra fat on your body. Do you understand that you're SUPPOSED TO HAVE that???? And sweetheart, it's pretty. Look in the mirror and see that. Drop the bullshit and really, really see how beautiful you are. You're strong, you're healthy. Love YOU. Those models in the magazines? They're not happy. They look it... they're not. Be happy. Love you.
Sometimes being unhappy with yourself means that you should change yourself. Other times, it means you should change your perception. Yes, some of us need to change ourselves to a degree... we'll be healthier and more energetic. That's if we're ACTUALLY overweight... and frankly, only you can determine that. Fuck the charts. How do YOU, FEEL? Not how do you LOOK, not how do you like your image in the MIRROR, not how do you feel about how you look... friend, how do YOU, FEEL. Are you breathing alright? Are you tired all of the time? And if you're having trouble breathing and you're tired... are you SURE that those things are because of your weight? If you are, if it's your weight, then yes, do something about it. If you're not, if you want to fit into some smaller clothes, that's alright... I'll support you on that. But only so far... because you still need to look in the mirror, and love you, where you are.
I'm wearing a size 20 right now. Yep, I told you my pants size. Scary, isn't it? And I weigh 250 pounds. That's me, where I am. I'm learning to love me.
I'm also losing fifty pounds. I MIGHT lose more than that, but that's what I'm GOING to lose. Why? How do I justify being so determined when I'm sitting here telling you to love you where you are? I promise that I'm not rationalizing hypocrisy. It's because I've gained fifty pounds in the past year and a half as I have lost touch with my body. I'm tired all of the time, I have trouble breathing, and my family all have diabetes and heart problems, and sometimes, my chest hurts, and I'm only 26, but that scares me.
Now... I might lose more. But... I might not. And... I'm stopping at a size 12.
Size. 12. You heard me right.
No, I'm not stopping there because I think I CAN'T get any further. I'm stopping there because I don't WANT to get any further. That's the size that I am when I feel good, when I'm able to run and rollerblade and breathe, and where I don't have to be a diet nazi all of the time (don't get me wrong, I'm eating well and intend to continue to do so... but once in a while, I get chocolate, or McDonald's, or something that you think is greasy and disgusting, because I like it.) And, I think that I look damned good in a size 12.
You don't have to agree with me. A lot of people would think I was a lot prettier and healthier at a lot smaller size. *shrugs* That's nice for them. They can also kiss my size 12 ass.
I know. I'm pretty at the size I'm in now. (Say that with me? ;) "I'm pretty, at the size I'm in now.") And I won't be prettiER at a size 12. I'll just feel better. But I'm not going under that.
Because dammit, ma ladies... we are going to learn to be okay with double digits, if we're healthy in double digits. And some of us are VERY healthy in double digits. Some of us aren't, and you can go where you're healthy. I'll be behind you 100%. And I won't be jealous of you, either. Because you'll be beautiful. Because you ARE beautiful.
You, and I, both need to learn how to believe that. No matter WHAT size we are.
Love,
Crystal
I'm glad to be putting us back in touch. ;) I want to get to know my body again. I think bellydance is a great way to do that, too. I don't know if any of you REAL bellydancers out there are with me on this, but it's one of those forms of movement that gets you incredibly intimate with the body parts you don't always want to admit are there. ;) For some reason, that amuses the hell out of me. But, I also think that it's a very good thing. You know me... I'm all about people accepting themselves.
'Cause see, the thing is... I am beginning to think that I got out of touch with my body because I began to hate it as it gained weight. I didn't pay attention to it because as far as I was concerned... it was betraying me a little. So I just kept shoving pills down its throat trying to make it behave when really... I should have just been embracing it. You can't change until you can accept yourself as is. I'm not talking about complacency, either. I'm talking about true, honest, loving acceptance. And then, when you see those parts of you that are destructive? Look at those things, move those things, change those things, BECAUSE you love you and accept you, and you love and accept THEM, too. You know why they're there, you know if it's time for them to go. Not because someone tells you that you should, not because you think people don't like you... but because YOU, love and accept YOU. And other people do too, and will... and sometimes they won't. But you are who's most important here.
So, I'm learning to love my body again... both in a tough-love kind of way, and in a slightly gentler sense too. With my family history, I want to begin to take care of her a little better. I don't really want to face all of the problems that my Mom and Dad have faced.
I also, however, do not want to be skinny.
Yep, you read that right. And no, I'm not criticizing skinny girls. Frankly, some of you are built that way and I think you're beautiful. I also think you should quit trying to be MORE skinny. If you feel good where you are, if you are able to do the things that you would like to do (and NOT the things that you "think you should be able" to do. There's a difference, Georgia. =P ), then just learn to love yourself. If you've not got heart problems or diabetes, don't be a diet nazi. Live a little.
And for gods' sake, drop the term "tone up". At least you women. If you are feeling well, if you aren't REALLY overweight, then learn to love a little extra fat on your body. Do you understand that you're SUPPOSED TO HAVE that???? And sweetheart, it's pretty. Look in the mirror and see that. Drop the bullshit and really, really see how beautiful you are. You're strong, you're healthy. Love YOU. Those models in the magazines? They're not happy. They look it... they're not. Be happy. Love you.
Sometimes being unhappy with yourself means that you should change yourself. Other times, it means you should change your perception. Yes, some of us need to change ourselves to a degree... we'll be healthier and more energetic. That's if we're ACTUALLY overweight... and frankly, only you can determine that. Fuck the charts. How do YOU, FEEL? Not how do you LOOK, not how do you like your image in the MIRROR, not how do you feel about how you look... friend, how do YOU, FEEL. Are you breathing alright? Are you tired all of the time? And if you're having trouble breathing and you're tired... are you SURE that those things are because of your weight? If you are, if it's your weight, then yes, do something about it. If you're not, if you want to fit into some smaller clothes, that's alright... I'll support you on that. But only so far... because you still need to look in the mirror, and love you, where you are.
I'm wearing a size 20 right now. Yep, I told you my pants size. Scary, isn't it? And I weigh 250 pounds. That's me, where I am. I'm learning to love me.
I'm also losing fifty pounds. I MIGHT lose more than that, but that's what I'm GOING to lose. Why? How do I justify being so determined when I'm sitting here telling you to love you where you are? I promise that I'm not rationalizing hypocrisy. It's because I've gained fifty pounds in the past year and a half as I have lost touch with my body. I'm tired all of the time, I have trouble breathing, and my family all have diabetes and heart problems, and sometimes, my chest hurts, and I'm only 26, but that scares me.
Now... I might lose more. But... I might not. And... I'm stopping at a size 12.
Size. 12. You heard me right.
No, I'm not stopping there because I think I CAN'T get any further. I'm stopping there because I don't WANT to get any further. That's the size that I am when I feel good, when I'm able to run and rollerblade and breathe, and where I don't have to be a diet nazi all of the time (don't get me wrong, I'm eating well and intend to continue to do so... but once in a while, I get chocolate, or McDonald's, or something that you think is greasy and disgusting, because I like it.) And, I think that I look damned good in a size 12.
You don't have to agree with me. A lot of people would think I was a lot prettier and healthier at a lot smaller size. *shrugs* That's nice for them. They can also kiss my size 12 ass.
I know. I'm pretty at the size I'm in now. (Say that with me? ;) "I'm pretty, at the size I'm in now.") And I won't be prettiER at a size 12. I'll just feel better. But I'm not going under that.
Because dammit, ma ladies... we are going to learn to be okay with double digits, if we're healthy in double digits. And some of us are VERY healthy in double digits. Some of us aren't, and you can go where you're healthy. I'll be behind you 100%. And I won't be jealous of you, either. Because you'll be beautiful. Because you ARE beautiful.
You, and I, both need to learn how to believe that. No matter WHAT size we are.
Love,
Crystal
